Summary of 2009

I thought it would be interesting to read through this year's blog posts as I think over this past year. I'm going to be summarizing some of the posts that really stand out.

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ?

If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?


Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying
I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically.

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself.

3. God turned His back on Him.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.



My Hope Is In Christ Jesus
For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and he will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying.

I've been struggling a lot with my old sins. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.


Those Who Hope in The Lord
This post is a follow up on My Hope Is In Christ Jesus.

My Daddy had his surgery last week. It went very well.

I've been a little more motivated to study.

I've found new strength in God to resist the devil. I have been spending more time with God. Not formal sit down and read/pray time but informal walking around and talking time.

About all that stuff I can't talk about. I still can't talk about it. But I have brought it to God and given it up to Him. I have been calling on Him daily to help me through this time in my life. It is a hard time for me. But God is good.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.


Do You Love Your Church More Than God?

Well last night during church this question came into my head. Do I love my church more than God? If I felt like my church was doing something irreverent would I leave? Or would I stay because I love the people. Do I love God more than the people? This is a easy question because I know the right one. I love God more. But this is a hard question because do I really love Him more?

The final question that I am asking myself is: Do I love God enough to leave my church? The answer is yes! A few months ago God had me surrendering my family to Him and I can definitely give my church up to Him. The only thing left to do is to pray. I need to pray that God will reveal His will to me and let me know what He wants me to do.


Whatever You're Doing...
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender...


My Daddy
My Daddy is one of the greatest men that I know. He is a very strong man with great principles. He is a man of integrity and honor. My Daddy is faithful and loving. He is a humble man. I admire him greatly because of his character.

He was very sick this year. The lessons that I learned from him during his time of sickness are valuable.

I learned that my Daddy:

1. Receives his strength from God.
2. Has the greatest work ethic that I have heard about.
3. Loves me.

I think my Daddy is the best Daddy in the world! I am so glad that he is better now. God has healed him from his sickness and has given him new strength.



Not of This World
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I'm from some planet far far away."

I'm not of this world. This world is not my home, heaven is. Because I have stored treasures up in heaven, that is where my heart and my home is. But sometimes it is easy to forget where I belong and start acting like I belong in this world. And that is when I get myself into trouble.

Remember that God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God will live forever.

Oh well...

What I wanted to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

I believe that I listened to God but I didn't always do His will. I didn't read through the entire Bible. I did talk about Jesus but I didn't do much witnessing. I believe that I do know God more. I know more about His grace, love and forgiveness. I think my GPA dropped below 3.5 after this last semester but I don't know for sure until I get all my grades back. I ended up leaving my church. I wrote more poetry/songs but didn't write more of my book. I may seem like a failure but God's grace is way bigger than me.

Merry Christmas

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Well, the semester is over...

This last semester was an interesting one. For some reason I didn't care much about my grades. But I realized at the end of the semester that it was a really fun one. I learned a lot that applied to my life. I had some great professors who were amazing teachers. I'm looking forward to the next semester. I hope to meet new people and make new friends as well as learning more about the most fascinating organism on the earth, the human.

Not of This World

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I'm from some planet far far away."

I like to say this to be funny and explain why I just don't get certain cultural things. Being an alien explains why I don't know anything about sports or music or popular people. I don't always understand why people think the way that they do or act the way that they do.

But as I was thinking about this I realized that I am correct. I'm not of this world. This world is not my home, heaven is. Because I have stored treasures up in heaven, that is where my heart and my home is. But sometimes it is easy to forget where I belong and start acting like I belong in this world. And that is when I get myself into trouble.

Remember that God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God will live forever. Amen!

Frying Pan

I am the proud owner of a new frying pan. I never thought I'd get this excited about a pan.

Yesterday, my roommate and I were shopping and realized that we were limited on foods because we each had only a small pot. So we looked at frying pans and found a cheap one. I decided to buy it on a whim. I thought about it quickly and realized that it would be a useful thing to buy. After I bought my frying pan, I got so excited. I don't fully understand why.

I also find it interesting that I wear Teflon on my lenses and now have a Teflon coating on my pan.

The Joy of Music

Earlier this evening I went to a Christmas music program at Hope. It reminded me of the joy that comes from music and worship. It made me thing back. I feel like my worship is not like it was. Just last year I was dancing in worship at my old church. I miss that now. I miss the abandonment and freedom. I miss giving my whole heart and soul. I miss the experience and the celebration.

Something has to change in my life. I need to devote myself to worship. I want to abandon myself and with freedom go crazy for God but something is holding me back. I wish I could experience that joy again.

I'm Here Again

I think it started yesterday when I looked at a picture of a friend on facebook who is pregnant. It started to pull a feeling out of the depths of my heart, a yearning that has always been there. It made me realize how single I am and how far away from marriage that I feel. I suppose most women have a natural desire to have babies. But for me it seems like the desire won't be fulfilled for a long time.

So for now I just wait with an ache in my heart. I wait for the part of my life that is missing, the part that wants to be filled.

Finals are approaching

I have this project due for my sport psychology class. It consists of five videos and five papers explaining about concepts and how the videos relate to them. It is due on Monday. After I finish, I can focus on my finals. I have my finals for the one unit classes next week and the rest of my finals are the week after.

Thanksgiving

I know that it is still over a week before Thanksgiving but I am already in the mood. I though that I would take some time this morning before I headed off to church to make a list.

What I am Thankful for:

-God
-Family
-Christian parents
-Christian grandparents
-Cute little cousins
-Amazing Aunts
-Friends
-House Church
-My Grandparent's church
-My roommate Chauntel
-Isaac getting engaged to Camille
-Daddy getting better after his surgery
-Healing
-Love
-Forgiveness
-Grace
-Mercy
-A car
-The opportunity to go to college
-My new fridge
-Life in general
-Food

I guess you could just say that I am thankful for everything. I hope you all have a pleasant Thanksgiving Day with family and friends this year.

I Run On

There has been so much going on in my life lately. I have just finished the last of my tests. I don't have any more tests until finals. I am registered for classes next semester as well as for intersession. I can see the end of school not that far ahead. I will be done next year in December.

God is amazing. He has promised to complete the work that He began. I had a breakdown and time of repentance last Saturday. I can honestly say that I feel different. I gave a lot up to God but it is freeing. I am almost scared that I'll take it all back but I am clinging on to God and He will give me the strength.

I am running on toward the goal.

22

My birthday is almost over. I thought I would take some time to think over the past year.

Last year I spent my birthday in Fullerton. I refused to go home because I wanted to go to my church on my birthday. So my family came down and went to church with me and then we all went out to eat at Souplantation. I regret doing that. I should have just went home like my family wanted me to.

I got really involved in my church. It became sort of like an addiction. I didn't want to miss church at all. By the end of spring I realized that it was time to move on from that church.

Last spring was really tough for me as you know from my previous posts. My father was really sick and we almost lost him. My family was going through a rough time and is still pulling through it. I was going through a lot of depression and searching for answers to some of life's toughest questions.

My summer was really weird. I lived like a hermit. I spent my days at the dojo and with my family.

I learned a lot this past year. I went through a lot of pain and sorrow. But I have a feeling that this next year is going to be full of joy.

I'm not going to write down everything that I learned. But the two most important things that I learned is that God is so amazing that I can't begin to put it into words and that family is the second most important thing in my life.

He Protected Me

I have spent a lot of time this year thinking about my childhood. I am thankful that God protected me throughout my childhood. God gave me a strong will but He also gave me parents who "trained me up in the way I should go." God's protection and the strong will that He gave me kept me safe many times.

During my childhood...

- I never broke a bone. I never got stitches or was seriously injured.

- God gave me the strength to say no to things that would have really hurt me.

- I had parents that loved each other. I never had to worry about them separating or getting a divorce.

- I had good examples and learned from them. I also learned not to repeat other people's mistakes.

- God kept boys away from me. I didn't have to deal with boyfriends and breakups and the pain and regret from those relationships.

- God gave me good health and a strong body.

I had so many things in my childhood that other people missed out on. This year I have learned to thank God instead of taking it all for granted.

Resist the Devil...

Too often I have lived my life on the edge. I have been straddling the fence, trying to please God while living for myself. Living for God is hard. But when we live for ourselves we find pain and sorrow.

I can't live like this anymore. Resisting the devil may seem easy. But its not because he gets inside your head. He tells you lies everyday trying to drag you down. But the voice of truth is louder. When we hear the voice of truth but do not listen we are disobeying God. But when we listen we please God. It is difficult but it is what God expects of us.

I'm going to flee more. Instead of letting the devil get to me I'm just going to run. It is easy to run physically but it is harder to run mentally. When my mind is not dwelling on pure things it is hard to bring it back to Godly things. But I must strive towards holiness. I don't care what happens, I must flee. O help me God!

Family

I believe that family is important. My family is very close. We are each others best friends. That is how it has been since my brothers and I were tiny kids. This year has challenged that friendship between us. We have had to deal with stuff and issues that I never thought we would. Like my father getting sick and almost dying.

But these things only brought our family closer together. Yes we still have our issues. No we are not perfect. But we love each other with with a loyalty that is hard to find. I'm proud to be a part of my family.

This closeness is something that I want to replicate in the family that I will start someday with some man. I want to carry on my family tradition of friendship and loyalty.

Personal Fitness

I have wanted to increase my physical fitness for quite a while. I think this is the semester that is going to make a big difference in my life.

My weekly physical activity schedule:

Monday: Beginning Swimming class
Tuesday: Beginning Gymnastics class, Group Exercise class
Wednesday: Beginning Swimming class
Thursday: Beginning Gymnastics class
Some Saturdays: Sparring class

I want start a strength training workout in a week or so. I am going to start a push-up and sit-up regime. My goal is to be doing fifty push-ups in one minuet and fifty sit-ups in one minuet by the end of the semester.

As Life Speeds By

I had a few extra minuets today after breakfast. So I decided to try something. I walked to my class very slowly. I usually walk faster than most people but this morning I walked slower than everyone else. Slowly, putting one foot in front of the other, I walked to school. I spent my time praying and taking in my surroundings. It was as if I was in a different time zone than everyone around me. The world seemed to be whizzing by. It was a very calming and meditative experience. You should try it sometime.

My Daddy

My Daddy is one of the greatest men that I know. He is a very strong man with great principles. He is a man of integrity and honor. My Daddy is faithful and loving. He is a humble man. I admire him greatly because of his character.

He was very sick this year. The lessons that I learned from him during his time of sickness are valuable.

I learned that my Daddy:

1. Receives his strength from God. He spent countless hours reading God's Word and praying during the nights that he couldn't sleep. When he was at his sickest he was spiritually strong.

2. Has the greatest work ethic that I have heard about. He didn't let his sickness keep him from going to the office and working. When he couldn't go to the office he spent time with his kids and wife. My family grew stronger together during the time of his sickness.

3. Loves me. I knew that he loved me but when he was sick he kept on telling me how much he loves me.

I think my Daddy is the best Daddy in the world! I am so glad that he is better now. God has healed him from his sickness and has given him new strength.

Whatever You're Doing...

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Sanctus Real

Almost back to school...

I made big plans for the summer and only accomplished some of the things that I had set out to.

1. I didn't spend that much time worshiping God. I wanted to but it didn't happen. I was caught up in the busy days and sadly did not go up to the mountains like I wanted to. I don't feel like my relationship with God is any closer. Instead, I am more aware of my own sins.

2. I started to read Practicing The Presence of God but didn't get very far. I don't know why I can't seem to finish books anymore.

3. I did spend time with my family. My Daddy and I went out to dinner at the beginning of the summer. We had a great time together. This was a family summer.

4. I did lose some fat but I don't know about the muscle. LOL My eating habits were good about half the summer and bad the other half.

5. I trained kata. Not as much as I wanted to. But I did.

6. I managed to organize my room. I even got bins that fit under my bed to put clothes in.

I spent a lot of time in the dojo. I taught six weeks of summer camp. I also taught every afternoon that the dojo was open. I worked out and practiced my kata. I'm going to miss the dojo when I go back to school.

Forgiveness

Do we have to forgive those who have never asked for our forgiveness? If they refuse to apologize, are we still supposed to forgive?

Please post your answers.

Awards: Merit based or not.

One of my pet peeves when teaching karate is when parents expect me to give every kid an award. I don't believe in giving awards that are not merit based. For example, when I give a kid a stripe it is because he earned it by learning a certain technique(s) and demonstrating it with skill. I like to give prizes such as Student of the Day to the most well behaved, enthusiastic, hardest working, or most improved kid. I like to award stickers for kids who put forth above average effort or excel in a certain area. I believe that the kids who don't earn the award should try harder next time. An important lesson that kids have to learn is that they cannot win all the time. But some parents would rather keep their kids from ever losing because they see it as a horrible thing. But losing is not a bad thing. People can learn a lot from their failures. Sometimes the kids that benefit the most from competition are the ones that lose. They end up working hard and achieving far more than the kid who wins.

As I told my brother, I don't want to run a communistic dojo where kids get the same award whether they try their best or not. Instead, I want to run a dojo where kids are rewarded for their hard work and diligence.

Healing

Isaiah 53:5 "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

I have heard people quote this verse many times and tell me that we are healed from all ailments and injuries. I have heard someone say that God healed us 2000 years ago when He died on that cross. I have seen people take that verse and and tell me that I am healed of scoliosis (curvature of the spine). That Isaiah 53:5 is a promise that God will heal sickness and disease.

But I think a lot of people miss the whole point of the verse. He was wounded because we sinned. We are healed from death, sin, and destruction. Our hearts are healed when He removes our heart of stone and gives us a heart of flesh. This healing is a lot more appealing to me.

Last year I spent a lot of time praying that God would straighten my spine. But He has chosen not to. I realized that my focus was off. I don't want to gain a straight spine yet lose much more. Instead of praying for my back I started to pray that God would change my heart. I asked God to heal my heart of all the hurt and sin. I found out that the more important thing was my soul and my relationship with Christ. I am only going to use this body for a few more decades, but I will have my soul for eternity. Christ is the only thing that matters.

My neck has been sore for the past couple of weeks. Sometimes it is quite painful and stiff. I know that God has created my body to heal itself and that He is helping me through the pain. But I would be willing to suffer this neck pain for the rest of my life if it would bring me closer to Christ.

My prayer is not that all sickness gets wiped from the face of this earth. My prayer is that all people might come to know Christ and experience His love. My prayer is that people would repent. My prayer is that people would forgive each other. My prayer is that my brothers and sisters in Christ would be free from sin. My prayer is that Christ's body would be united.

One thing that I have learned this year is that heartache is far worse than any pain that I have experienced.

May God bring healing to your heart, soul, and body.

I'm Done With Finals!

After a tough semester I'm finally done. It is amazing to see how God led me through this year so far. He deserves all the glory. I actually finished my classes this semester.

I have big plans for this summer. I just decided that I am going to call this the summer of worship. One of my goals is to read the Old Testament this summer. I don't want to waste this summer. I want to learn more about God and develop a deeper relationship with Him. I want to seek His will over some things in my life so I know that I will be praying this summer too!. I want my relationship with God to be based on Him and not on my church. What I mean by this is that I want to worship God this summer on my own. I want to develop a personal time spent with God only. I want to worship on the beach, in the park, walking the streets, and maybe up in the hills. I want to sing my own song and dance my own dance and pray my own prayer.

I ask that God will keep me from falling. Falling hurts.

I want to read Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.

I also want to spend time with my wonderful family. I want to spend time with my Daddy.

I have a few other goals that aren't as important like:

-Losing a few pounds of fat
-Gaining some more muscle
-Training kata (karate)
-Eating healthier than I have been
-Organizing my room

Most of the summer is going to be spent in the dojo. I'm looking forward to teaching and learning.

Do You Love Your Church More Than God?

I often get revelations during church service. One time I was thinking about how much my Daddy loves me. Even when I was bad and he spanked me as a child, he still loved me. He loves me despite knowing all my faults and failures. My Daddy loves me. Then I realized that if my Daddy (who is imperfect) could love me like that, then how much more my Heavenly Father (who is perfect) loves me. When I sin God is grieved but He still loves me. Maybe that is why He grieves so much. If you didn't love someone you wouldn't care about them or if they sinned or not.

Well last night during church this question came into my head. Do I love my church more than God? If I felt like my church was doing something irreverent would I leave? Or would I stay because I love the people. Do I love God more than the people? This is a easy question because I know the right one. I love God more. But this is a hard question because do I really love Him more?

The final question that I am asking myself is: Do I love God enough to leave my church? The answer is yes! A few months ago God had me surrendering my family to Him and I can definitely give my church up to Him. The only thing left to do is to pray. I need to pray that God will reveal His will to me and let me know what He wants me to do.

I can't believe that I am posting this...maybe so you can pray for me.

Zzyzx

I spent yesterday evening until after noon today at Zzyzx for a biology field trip. It was hot there. Really hot. The heat made some people really grumpy. Still others were upset that they had to go on this field trip. I enjoyed the field trip despite the hundred degree temperature. I found the desert to be a beautiful place full of life. I wondered why I found it enjoyable and so beautiful. Then I realized that I was in love with the Creator of the desert which made it beautiful in my eyes. It is my love for God that makes me appreciative for what He has made whether it be desert or ocean, puppy or bug, rocks or plants, cold or hot. I look at nature and say "wow my God is good!"

The Father's Song

This song makes me cry every time I sing it. It is so beautiful to know that God loves us so much. "The King of love has sent for me." Wow!

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart

Heaven's perfect melody
The Creator's symphony
You are singing over me
The Father's song
Heaven's perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Father's song

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all
[Sounds above them all]

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart

It's Heaven's perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Father's song

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart
[It's written on my heart]

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart
It's written on my heart
You sing it over me
Father

"Go away and never come back!"

This year I have realized that it is so important to not let the devil get a foothold in your life. Too many people leave the doors of their heart wide open and the devil is able to wreak havoc in their lives. Once he gets his foot in the door it is hard to remove it.

This year I have purposed that I will remove the foot of the devil and then shut and bar the door. I encourage you to do the same. It is hard to give up habitual sins but God gives us the grace to do so. We must "spring clean" our hearts and ask God to remove anything that is unclean. God is holy and He has called us to be holy.

Once the devil's foothold is gone and the sin is gone from your life, you must guard your heart and close the door so he can't return.

Live a life set apart. Live a life of holiness. Live for Christ.

Those Who Hope in The Lord

This post is a follow up on My Hope Is In Christ Jesus.

My Daddy had his surgery last week. It went very well and he was recovering fast so they released him from the hospital on Saturday. My parents came straight home (the hospital was a three hour drive from home) and arrived in the early afternoon. I had arrived home on Friday and was happy that I could spend more time with my parents. We had a good Easter together with my younger brothers. We read through and talked about the book of Galatians and then had a wonderful dinner.

I've been a little more motivated to study. The end of the semester is in sight and so is the end of my formal learning. When I was home on spring break I decided not to go to chiropractic school. It was making me stress more and I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a chiropractor. Being home made me realize how wonderful it is to have a family and a home. It also made me realize how much I enjoy teaching karate. Karate is my passion. I could be a wonderful chiropractor but I could also do anything else that I set my mind to. This decision has taken a load off of me.

I've found new strength in God to resist the devil. I have been spending more time with God. Not formal sit down and read/pray time but informal walking around and talking time. I am happier spending more time dwelling on the goodness of God.

About all that stuff I can't talk about. I still can't talk about it. But I have brought it to God and given it up to Him. I have been calling on Him daily to help me through this time in my life. It is a hard time for me. But God is good.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Daddy's Surgery

My Daddy had surgery today. He had a tumor on his pituitary gland which the surgeon removed this morning. The surgery went well and my Daddy is recovering quite nicely. Hopefully he will be released from the hospital on Saturday.

Old Fashioned

I describe myself as an old fashioned person. I sometimes find myself realizing that I am more old fashioned than I thought previously. A lot of people do not understand what this means so I'm going to make a list of my old fashioned beliefs.

1. I believe in God. I believe that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow which means that the old testament is relevant today.

2. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.

3. I believe in saving sex for marriage and saving lots of other things for marriage also.

4. Dressing modestly is important. I think dressing modestly is another way to save more for my husband.

5. Purity is important. One of the greatest gifts that my mother gave me was sheltering me from evil things when I was a child.

6. Family is more important than anything else except for God.

7. Guys should do the pursuing in a relationship. They should be gentlemen and treat ladies with respect. I will not ask a guy out or ask him to marry me.

8. Women should act like ladies. No cussing or inappropriate talk. They should act decently and modestly. Women should honer their father and husband.

9. I think men should be the breadwinners and women the homemakers. This does not mean that I disagree with women getting jobs or men doing housework. But if a man is able to he should provide for his family.

10. Children should be conceived and born after marriage. It is wrong for single women to adopt. Children need both a mother and a father.

11. Women shouldn't ever fight in wars unless the war comes to them.

12. I think addressing people by title and last name is good. I look forward to going by Mrs._________ when I get married. I think children should address their elders as Mr. and Mrs./Ms.

There Is Hope

There is hope in every sunset
For it signals the end of the day
And all the pain in it

There is hope in every sunrise
For it signals the start of a new day
And a new beginning for me.

There is hope because He lives
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
And I can face anything

There is hope because Jesus
Is coming soon to take away
All of the pain of this life

There is hope because Jesus
Will make all things new

There is always hope

My Hope Is In Christ Jesus

For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and it is only now that the doctors have realized what is wrong. His hormone levels are low and the problem is being caused by a cyst on his pituitary gland. He will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying. I seem to get distracted by everything going on around me and I lack motivation. Even getting C's on my tests aren't motivating me enough to study more. But my bad test scores are making me feel bad like I'm a loser. I didn't realize how important it was for my pride to get good grades.

I've been struggling a lot also. It seems like my old sins are taking control again. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

This last week I thought to myself that if God didn't exist I would kill myself. (No, I'm not in danger of suicide). If you believe that there is a God than you don't have to worry about me. But I'm sharing this because that is how hopeless this world is without Jesus. If there was no God or Jesus then this would be a hopeless world. But God does exist and not only that He loves us.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. When all other hope is lost I can still look to God and know that there will be better days ahead. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.

Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying

I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically. This was a very painful experience. He got whipped until there was no skin on His back and a crown of long thorns was stuck onto His head. He then had a nail driven through His feet and each hand. Then if that was not bad enough, He was lifted up to hang by those nails. That is more pain than most people have experienced. But during Jesus' time many people died this way. What makes Jesus' death different than others?

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself. He didn't just die for our sins. He became sin for us. Hanging on that cross Jesus was a murderer, liar, rapist, cheater, thief, and every sin that we could possibly think of.

3. God turned His back on Him. Never has there been a human on earth that God has turned away from. Christ called out in anguish. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" This was the worst thing you can imagine. It was hell.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.

I'm going to post scripture references up here to support my points.

God Use Me

I have been saying this for the last couple months. I have been asking for God to use me on my campus to spread the good news. Yesterday I realized that God has been giving me opportunities to serve Him. He has given me opportunities to be used by Him. Sarah has asked me to serve in children's ministry, Jeff has asked me to be an usher, Joseph has asked me to be a part of the newcomer's welcome ministry, and just yesterday Daniel was asking me to be a part of the after school program that he is starting and to teach karate there. I am an usher and a welcome person at church now. But what did I say to children's ministry? I did not know if God wanted me to do that. What did I tell Daniel about the once a week teaching karate? I did not have time. I have been waiting for God to give me a divine appointment on campus. But maybe God is trying to tell me to get more involved in church first. How can I ask God to use me and then turn down opportunities to serve Him? How can I expect God to give me more if I am not faithful in what He has already given me?

My new prayer is that God will use me where He wants to. I ask that God will not allow me to pass up opportunities to serve Him.

Valentine's Day

Being single this Valentine's Day does not bother me so much because it is much better than thinking that someone special is going to take you out and then getting let down. Valentine's Day does make me a bit wistful because it is a day of romancing that I wish was mine. So I was thinking of what I find romantic and hope someone does for me someday.

1. Serenade me. I would love it if someone came and stood under my dorm window and sang to me. Some might find this creepy but I would love it!

2. Say Happy Valentine's Day several different ways. Leave a text, voice mail, facebook message, call, leave a note, mail a letter, send flowers, write a message on my car (washable of course), surprise me at school (or wherever I am). Doing more of these things make it more special.

3. Take me out dancing. Swing would be nice.

But this Valentine's Day I know that I will not experience these things. I just hope that Jesus shows His love to me in a new and special way. If He does then it will make my day!

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

During the past few months I have been learning about passion. Passion for Jesus who gave His all so that we might be saved. God has given me this passion for Him that is greater than anything I have ever experienced. This is a passion that is not kept hidden but instead bursts out through songs, dancing, shouting, and radiant joyful expressions on people's faces. Most of the people at my church have this passion. They can't keep from singing and dancing. They can't keep from shouting and jumping up and down.

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ? They don't want to sing or speak about it. They think living moral lives is what God has required of them. I used to be one of those people. I wondered why I didn't get excited about anything. I would feel hollow and unsatisfied inside. It was not until I got really passionate about Jesus that I could really enjoy my life.

If the unbelievers can go wild over rock stars, why can't we go wild over Jesus? If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. People are out there dying and going to hell! We cannot be passive Christians anymore. Instead we must be passionate about what we believe in.

The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?

2009 New Year's Resolutions

What I want to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

Happy New Year 2009!

Happy New Year! I look forward to what the New Year is going to bring. I am excited to see what God has in store for me.