He Has Restored Unto Me The Joy of His Salvation

I've been thinking back to a year ago and realized how far God has brought me. God was there with me during that time of pain and sorrow when I thought I was going to lose my Daddy. God was there when no one else could comfort me. God was there through the heartache and the pain. God was there drawing me back to His heart. In this past year God has been healing my heart from the sin and sorrow and making me new. It is amazing grace that has brought me to the place that I am now.

God has torn down walls in my life and given me the greatest grace and love. He has restored unto me the joy of His salvation and granted me a willing heart. God has given me a heart of greater love, forgiveness, and compassion. He has given me new friends that care about me and encourage me. I know that I will always have the scars to remind me of the past. But I am thankful of them because they remind me of how great my God is.

You may be going through a difficult time right now. I want to encourage you to press on and keep going. Let God bring you out of whatever you may be going through. He will not disappoint you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Summary of 2009

I thought it would be interesting to read through this year's blog posts as I think over this past year. I'm going to be summarizing some of the posts that really stand out.

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ?

If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?


Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying
I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically.

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself.

3. God turned His back on Him.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.



My Hope Is In Christ Jesus
For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and he will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying.

I've been struggling a lot with my old sins. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.


Those Who Hope in The Lord
This post is a follow up on My Hope Is In Christ Jesus.

My Daddy had his surgery last week. It went very well.

I've been a little more motivated to study.

I've found new strength in God to resist the devil. I have been spending more time with God. Not formal sit down and read/pray time but informal walking around and talking time.

About all that stuff I can't talk about. I still can't talk about it. But I have brought it to God and given it up to Him. I have been calling on Him daily to help me through this time in my life. It is a hard time for me. But God is good.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.


Do You Love Your Church More Than God?

Well last night during church this question came into my head. Do I love my church more than God? If I felt like my church was doing something irreverent would I leave? Or would I stay because I love the people. Do I love God more than the people? This is a easy question because I know the right one. I love God more. But this is a hard question because do I really love Him more?

The final question that I am asking myself is: Do I love God enough to leave my church? The answer is yes! A few months ago God had me surrendering my family to Him and I can definitely give my church up to Him. The only thing left to do is to pray. I need to pray that God will reveal His will to me and let me know what He wants me to do.


Whatever You're Doing...
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender...


My Daddy
My Daddy is one of the greatest men that I know. He is a very strong man with great principles. He is a man of integrity and honor. My Daddy is faithful and loving. He is a humble man. I admire him greatly because of his character.

He was very sick this year. The lessons that I learned from him during his time of sickness are valuable.

I learned that my Daddy:

1. Receives his strength from God.
2. Has the greatest work ethic that I have heard about.
3. Loves me.

I think my Daddy is the best Daddy in the world! I am so glad that he is better now. God has healed him from his sickness and has given him new strength.



Not of This World
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I'm from some planet far far away."

I'm not of this world. This world is not my home, heaven is. Because I have stored treasures up in heaven, that is where my heart and my home is. But sometimes it is easy to forget where I belong and start acting like I belong in this world. And that is when I get myself into trouble.

Remember that God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God will live forever.

Oh well...

What I wanted to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

I believe that I listened to God but I didn't always do His will. I didn't read through the entire Bible. I did talk about Jesus but I didn't do much witnessing. I believe that I do know God more. I know more about His grace, love and forgiveness. I think my GPA dropped below 3.5 after this last semester but I don't know for sure until I get all my grades back. I ended up leaving my church. I wrote more poetry/songs but didn't write more of my book. I may seem like a failure but God's grace is way bigger than me.

22

My birthday is almost over. I thought I would take some time to think over the past year.

Last year I spent my birthday in Fullerton. I refused to go home because I wanted to go to my church on my birthday. So my family came down and went to church with me and then we all went out to eat at Souplantation. I regret doing that. I should have just went home like my family wanted me to.

I got really involved in my church. It became sort of like an addiction. I didn't want to miss church at all. By the end of spring I realized that it was time to move on from that church.

Last spring was really tough for me as you know from my previous posts. My father was really sick and we almost lost him. My family was going through a rough time and is still pulling through it. I was going through a lot of depression and searching for answers to some of life's toughest questions.

My summer was really weird. I lived like a hermit. I spent my days at the dojo and with my family.

I learned a lot this past year. I went through a lot of pain and sorrow. But I have a feeling that this next year is going to be full of joy.

I'm not going to write down everything that I learned. But the two most important things that I learned is that God is so amazing that I can't begin to put it into words and that family is the second most important thing in my life.

He Protected Me

I have spent a lot of time this year thinking about my childhood. I am thankful that God protected me throughout my childhood. God gave me a strong will but He also gave me parents who "trained me up in the way I should go." God's protection and the strong will that He gave me kept me safe many times.

During my childhood...

- I never broke a bone. I never got stitches or was seriously injured.

- God gave me the strength to say no to things that would have really hurt me.

- I had parents that loved each other. I never had to worry about them separating or getting a divorce.

- I had good examples and learned from them. I also learned not to repeat other people's mistakes.

- God kept boys away from me. I didn't have to deal with boyfriends and breakups and the pain and regret from those relationships.

- God gave me good health and a strong body.

I had so many things in my childhood that other people missed out on. This year I have learned to thank God instead of taking it all for granted.

Almost back to school...

I made big plans for the summer and only accomplished some of the things that I had set out to.

1. I didn't spend that much time worshiping God. I wanted to but it didn't happen. I was caught up in the busy days and sadly did not go up to the mountains like I wanted to. I don't feel like my relationship with God is any closer. Instead, I am more aware of my own sins.

2. I started to read Practicing The Presence of God but didn't get very far. I don't know why I can't seem to finish books anymore.

3. I did spend time with my family. My Daddy and I went out to dinner at the beginning of the summer. We had a great time together. This was a family summer.

4. I did lose some fat but I don't know about the muscle. LOL My eating habits were good about half the summer and bad the other half.

5. I trained kata. Not as much as I wanted to. But I did.

6. I managed to organize my room. I even got bins that fit under my bed to put clothes in.

I spent a lot of time in the dojo. I taught six weeks of summer camp. I also taught every afternoon that the dojo was open. I worked out and practiced my kata. I'm going to miss the dojo when I go back to school.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

This morning, when I woke up to go to morning prayer, it was raining. At first, I didn't want to go to get up and go but then I remembered that I had made up my mind to go yesterday and I wasn't going to change it. I drove carefully since it was the first rain in a while. The roads are extra dangerous during the first rain because there is still oil on the road. Oil and water make a bad combination. At least that is what everyone tells me. It started raining harder after I got back from prayer. I noticed that there was a huge puddle on the lawn outside of my room. Since my room was freezing cold I decided to go with my roommate to school. We got our stuff together and grabbed our umbrellas. Then we walked to the corner to cross the street. It was totally flooded around the corner. I had to step in and get wet. But then, when we got to the other side we realized that the water was deep. We waded through the almost knee deep water. There was no way around it. Once we had crossed I noticed that the water flooded half the street. I found it amazing that a city street would not have better drainage.

I won't be going back across the street until after my final this afternoon.

Looking Backwards and Forwards

The year 2007 was a great year. It had many ups and downs but overall I learned a lot. My family left our church in January. Since then we have found a new church and I have made some new friends there. I have gotten involved in a small group that is a real blessing.
School has gone okay. I had a easier semester in the spring and a stressful fall semester.
I met a lot of great people and developed deeper friendships. I made a stupid mistake that God turned out good. I entered into a relationship with someone that I shouldn't have. I ended up hurting him a lot. But I think God used it to teach me some important things. There is a guy at church that I think may be interested in me.

The year 2008 is going to be one of great adventure. I have a lot of praying to do about that guy. I want to be in God's will.
I am looking forward to another great year in the martial arts. I love teaching karate. I am starting a new class this year.
I am looking forward to another semester at Hancock. I will miss Brian and Michelle because they have transfered. But I will meet new people and develop new relationships. I have great friends.
This year scares me because I know that it holds many new things. But with God holding my hand I know that I'll be able to walk.

I learned a few very important things this last year.

1. Friends may come and go and guys may come and go but family is forever. My family may have problems but they are always there for me.

2. God is love and God is just. I have realized the simple truth that because God is love He wants to save us and because He is just someone had to take the punishment. Christ took our sins upon Himself and died so we might live.

3. Everything is temporary...except for God.

4. I don't have to know the future. I only have to know God's will for today. I need to learn to walk day by day holding onto God hand.

5. Relationships with people are risky. But I have to take risks. I have to learn to hold onto God as I enter into deeper relationships so when I fall He will hold me up.

6. God loves me. That is so amazing. He loves me no matter what I say or do. He loves me forever. He shows me love every day. He loves me more than anybody does. He loves me more than I can ever love someone. God loves me more than I can imagine. God is Love.

Imaginations

The other day one of my younger brothers asked what did we do before karate. (We have been evolved in karate for the past seven years.) My mother replied that we were busy having babies and taking care of them. She said we stayed at home and found things to do. It made me think about what I used to do when I was younger. I remember playing outside for hours with Matthew and Isaac. We would play indians and hunt with bows and arrows. I would make a fort and gather stones and sticks for a pretend fire. When our grandpa gave us a big bag of pecans from his tree we would crack the nuts with rocks and eat them. Sometimes we would be soldiers and march around with our toy guns that daddy made for us. Other times we would be woodsmen and hunters. We would explore and play for hours each day.

Some days we would stay inside. Matthew and I would read for hours. Isaac and I would play house and make grand forts in the playroom. We would pile chairs and toy boxes and stuff in a corner with towels as the roof. We would bake cookies and brownies in the kitchen. We would sometimes play hotel and restaurant.

We had really amazing imaginations back then. Sometimes when I play with my younger cousins now I wish that I still had that imagination.

My Testimony

I was born into a christian family. I accepted Christ as my Saviour when I was seven or eight at a Vacation Bible Club. I don't remember much about that. But I do remember the change. It is amazing to see my journey and how God has been so patient with me. My spiritual life has been somewhat like a roller coaster. I have ups and downs. During my junior high and high school years God seemed very real and close. I had awesome experiences attending youth group, going on a missions trip to Mexico, attending SLAM (a week long youth conference on evangelism), and working at Camp Good News.

But then a few things happened. Our pastor left the church to minister elsewhere and we had an interim for a year. Then we got a new pastor. Personally I was drifting away from God. He didn't seem close at all. I was living in sin. To tell you the truth I was struggling with lust. I didn't feel worthy to talk to God or read His Word. I felt dirty. Last summer I was a counselor at Camp Good News again. When I arrived I asked myself "What are you doing here?" I was not a good example. I was not even reading my Bible. I was miserable.

Then God woke me up. I caught whooping cough at camp and was sick for the rest of the summer and fall. God brought me to the lowest point in my life. I was struggling to breath. I cried out to God "please heal me" but he did not. Finally one night as I cried I begged God's forgiveness and deliverance from my sin. God heard my cry and healed me. Since then I have grown closer to God. I still struggle with lust but now I have faith in God's love and mercy. I refuse to let Satan use guilt to keep me away from glorifying God.