My Hope Is In Christ Jesus

For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and it is only now that the doctors have realized what is wrong. His hormone levels are low and the problem is being caused by a cyst on his pituitary gland. He will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying. I seem to get distracted by everything going on around me and I lack motivation. Even getting C's on my tests aren't motivating me enough to study more. But my bad test scores are making me feel bad like I'm a loser. I didn't realize how important it was for my pride to get good grades.

I've been struggling a lot also. It seems like my old sins are taking control again. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

This last week I thought to myself that if God didn't exist I would kill myself. (No, I'm not in danger of suicide). If you believe that there is a God than you don't have to worry about me. But I'm sharing this because that is how hopeless this world is without Jesus. If there was no God or Jesus then this would be a hopeless world. But God does exist and not only that He loves us.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. When all other hope is lost I can still look to God and know that there will be better days ahead. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.