Sunday, June 2, 2013

Having Faith in God Changes Our Actions

As I've grown older I've realized how I need to keep trusting God more each day. It's not enough to just trust in Him for eternal salvation. It's important to trust Him in the little things. Sometimes I find myself worrying about how we will pay bills and make ends meet. I'm not trusting that God will provide for us. Sometimes I feel like I have to plan everything out and worry if my plan will work. That is not trusting God either. I realize that my actions are showing that I don't trust God. So, I've decided to change my plans. Instead of trying to plan everything out I'm going to get ready for whatever God has in store for me and my family. For the last year or two we haven't had even one late bill. God has provided for us and He continues to do so. So why am I stressing? It's a choice that I'm making. To trust more instead of worrying. I'm on the path of life. God will provide what I need to continue in Him.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Love Dare

I was at the library looking in the religious section when I spotted the Love Dare. I decided to pick it up and work through the book. The first few days were really easy. But then it said "Love is not irritable." Oh... I have to work on that. It is really nice to be doing it. I think it will improve our marriage. It is a marriage saver type of deal. I don't think our marriage is in any danger but it is nice to do something that helps direct my focus back to God and the reasons why marriage exists.

Sunday, July 8, 2012


Sometimes marriage can be lonely. You forget what loneliness feels like and then you feel it. You can feel so alone even with a baby attached to you 24/7. I just have this lonely ache right now as I wait for my husband to get home from visiting friends.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It's Been A While

It's been a while since I've posted. It's also been a while since I had an awesome encounter with God. Well, maybe I have had encounters with God lately, it has just looked different. I'm not caught up in emotions and feelings. That makes me feel kind of unfeeling, cold. But God has been doing a lot in my life. I see His blessings pouring out. Financial well-being, physical well-being, a healthy baby, a wonderful husband. Even the things that I was not satisfied with in my life have been changing. I wanted to read my Bible more and my husband suggested that we start reading a chapter each night. We haven't been reading every day but it has been great to open the Bible a few times a week instead of a couple times a month. God has given me the heart to give financially to fellow Christians in need through Samaritan Ministries. I see how my life has changed drastically and realize that my role as a Christian is changing too.

Friday, March 25, 2011


We are going to have a baby! God has blessed us abundantly.

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm Getting Married Tomorrow!

I'm so excited about tomorrow. I love him and can't wait to profess that in front of everyone and be joined to him forever.

Monday, December 13, 2010

End of School

This morning I walked over to school to get a few things done. I couldn't help thinking about the past two and a half years there. I have learned so much and grown up so much as well. And soon it will all be in my past.

I remember when I first moved here. I woke up and cried because I was far away from home. Then I made friends with my roommates and another girl. This girl and I spent a lot of time together. My legs were very sore the first few weeks because of all the stairs I was climbing. I've hardly ridden in the elevator here.

I never got involved on campus in any clubs. I attended Campus Crusade for a while but didn't really connect. I enjoyed most of my classes. There were a few that I didn't like so much for various reasons but it was a positive experience overall. There are a few classes that I'll always remember.

Aikido - I took this class my first semester. I really enjoyed being able to dabble in another martial art. I even taught a few of the techniques in the dojo during our summer camp.

Biology - I remember being able to go on all these fun field trips and lab was fun. I remember the lab when we studied all different types of fruit and then we got to eat it. I tasted my first star fruit and fresh coconut. The lectures were fascinating.

Chemistry - This was my nightmare class. I didn't like it at all. But I did have fun in lab.

Nutrition - I just really enjoy learning about nutrition.

Group Fitness - This was a fun class. The tests were really easy and we did a lot of working out and experiencing all kinds of group exercise.

Principles of Human Movement - I was told that this was the hardest class but I found it easy. It was basically a physics class.

Principles of Strength and Conditioning - My teacher used a lot of bad language but once I got past that he was a crack up. It was a hard class but interesting.

Badminton - I connected with a set of twins and had a lot of fun playing with them all semester.

Volleyball - Just a lot of fun.

Physical Dimensions of Aging - An easy, fun class that I learned a lot in. The teacher was really good at keeping us engaged and participating.

Well, that turned into several so I better stop. Let's just say that most of the time I felt like I was having fun and playing. But then mid terms or finals would roll around and I would stress out like any other college student.

One of the things that I really enjoyed was my internship this semester. I learned so much in that. I also gained experience and it was fun!

Lots of other things happened here as well. I've shed lots and lots of tears in my dorm room. I've spent lots of time reading my Bible, praying, dancing (when no one was looking) and talking to my roommates. I had to deal with being away from home, missing my family and not being with them when they were going through tough times. I had to deal with my father getting sick and almost dying. I had to struggle through tough times along with my family. I had to deal with things that I never had experienced before like intense grief, sorry, depression, despair, and loneliness.

I did a lot of growing up. God did a lot to change me and to soften my heart. I got hurt a lot but I emerged stronger. And when I least expected it God gave me such intense joy and purpose. God sent a guy into my life and we started to fall in love with each other. It was a totally new experience. I learned (slowly) to open up and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys.

Part of me is sad to be done with school and leave this place. I have made friends and have had such fun times. But the other part of me is glad. For some reason I feel like if I leave this place then I will leave all that sadness behind as well. But I know that it isn't true. I will forever carry the memories and the scars of the past. But I know that they are a gift. I will be able to show my scars to those who are wounded and tell them that there is hope and that God will bring healing. I will be able to remember what it is like to hurt so much that I felt like my heart was ripped in two. I will be able to cry along with those who are hurting and tell them that there is always hope when we have Christ.

Wow, I opened up a lot more then I was going to in this post. I don't want to leave you sad and hurting for me. I have joy in my heart because God loves me. He has demonstrated this love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember Christ's love.

Friday, November 5, 2010

God's Presence

One of the reasons I created this blog was to talk about my relationship with God. What He has done in my life and what He is doing. I feel like it is about time for another post.

In my relationship with God I'm the one with all the problems. If we aren't doing so well it's my fault. I have all the hurts and issues and questions and He is the constant one. I'm the one with the divided heart and the one that struggles and feels like I'm not even close. But as I think about all my problems I realize that God is bigger than all that. He looks past my failures and loves me for who I am. My issues don't keep Him away or stop Him from pursuing me. Even my sin is blotted out so nothing is between us. It is quite amazing to think about this love that is so deep and wide and long.

Lately I've been feeling like God is far away. I don't like long distance relationships. I need something close like right here beside me. I wonder why I don't feel God's presence like I used to. Maybe I'm not stilling my heart and my mind. Maybe God is choosing not to let me feel Him. Maybe what I felt before wasn't real. I don't believe the last one. It keeps on popping up in my mind though. But I know that I've felt the presence of God many times with different people at different churches. So I know that His presence is real. Maybe it's that I'm not hungry enough for God. There have been other times in my life that I've been hungry and desperate for God. I think the amazing thing is that even when I don't feel Him I know that He's here. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that no matter what He is here beside me. Sometimes that promise is not enough for me. I want to feel Him, see Him, touch Him, hear Him. But for now I must cling to the hope that one day I shall be able to do these things.

God is good. He has given me so much in this life. He has given me more blessings than I could count. Most importantly He has given me eternal life. I love Him so much. I just want to love Him with all of my heart. But how can I do that?

Monday, November 1, 2010


A lot of college students enjoy their new freedom away from their parents. I was thinking about how so many of them get themselves into trouble experimenting or doing things that would really upset their parents if they found out.

I'm different. The most "out there" thing that I have done is to go into a Halloween store for the first time, actually go out and get candy at a Halloween event this year, and earlier this semester, watch Harry Potter. I've decided that my parents have done a good job brainwashing me into thinking that Halloween is a dark holiday that I should have nothing to do with. Or maybe it is a dark holiday that I shouldn't participate in. The Halloween store was creepy and I was glad to leave. I sometimes wonder why I'm so sensitive to stuff. Is Halloween just a harmless holiday or should we have nothing to do with it? Or should we just stay in the middle and say it's okay as long as we have "festivals" at our church that night and don't call it Halloween. Maybe it's okay to celebrate as long as we dress up like Bible characters and hand out tracts along with candy to all the trick or treaters.

All I know is that while watching Harry Potter is fun, for some reason when all the witches, vampires, ghosts and other characters come out on Halloween they creep me out. I feel sorry for my kids someday because I will be hiding in the house drinking tea and reading on Halloween because I'm too scared by the commotion outside. Perhaps their father will have pity on our poor costume and candy deprived kids and take them out trick or treating.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


The holidays are approaching. I view my birthday as the start of the holiday season. Today is making me think of the upcoming holidays. The rain outside makes me wish for hot tea and cookies and sitting around the fireplace. These things remind me of Christmas time. I'm also listening to Christmas music which is making me think of past years and the upcoming holidays. This year is my last one as a single child still living at home. Part of me is sad knowing that the Merry Christmas's of my childhood are in the past. The other part of me is glad knowing that I will be spending the rest of my Christmas's with the love of my life. I'm really looking forward to this year as we will be spending it together along with my family. The rain makes me wish it was Christmas now. I wish that I was curled up on the couch with him and a cup of tea.

Thanksgiving is still up in the air. We were planning on going to his parents for the holiday but it looks like we won't because of finances. Man... I wish school was over.