Friday, March 25, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
I'm Getting Married Tomorrow!
I'm so excited about tomorrow. I love him and can't wait to profess that in front of everyone and be joined to him forever.
Monday, December 13, 2010
End of School
This morning I walked over to school to get a few things done. I couldn't help thinking about the past two and a half years there. I have learned so much and grown up so much as well. And soon it will all be in my past.
I remember when I first moved here. I woke up and cried because I was far away from home. Then I made friends with my roommates and another girl. This girl and I spent a lot of time together. My legs were very sore the first few weeks because of all the stairs I was climbing. I've hardly ridden in the elevator here.
I never got involved on campus in any clubs. I attended Campus Crusade for a while but didn't really connect. I enjoyed most of my classes. There were a few that I didn't like so much for various reasons but it was a positive experience overall. There are a few classes that I'll always remember.
Aikido - I took this class my first semester. I really enjoyed being able to dabble in another martial art. I even taught a few of the techniques in the dojo during our summer camp.
Biology - I remember being able to go on all these fun field trips and lab was fun. I remember the lab when we studied all different types of fruit and then we got to eat it. I tasted my first star fruit and fresh coconut. The lectures were fascinating.
Chemistry - This was my nightmare class. I didn't like it at all. But I did have fun in lab.
Nutrition - I just really enjoy learning about nutrition.
Group Fitness - This was a fun class. The tests were really easy and we did a lot of working out and experiencing all kinds of group exercise.
Principles of Human Movement - I was told that this was the hardest class but I found it easy. It was basically a physics class.
Principles of Strength and Conditioning - My teacher used a lot of bad language but once I got past that he was a crack up. It was a hard class but interesting.
Badminton - I connected with a set of twins and had a lot of fun playing with them all semester.
Volleyball - Just a lot of fun.
Physical Dimensions of Aging - An easy, fun class that I learned a lot in. The teacher was really good at keeping us engaged and participating.
Well, that turned into several so I better stop. Let's just say that most of the time I felt like I was having fun and playing. But then mid terms or finals would roll around and I would stress out like any other college student.
One of the things that I really enjoyed was my internship this semester. I learned so much in that. I also gained experience and it was fun!
Lots of other things happened here as well. I've shed lots and lots of tears in my dorm room. I've spent lots of time reading my Bible, praying, dancing (when no one was looking) and talking to my roommates. I had to deal with being away from home, missing my family and not being with them when they were going through tough times. I had to deal with my father getting sick and almost dying. I had to struggle through tough times along with my family. I had to deal with things that I never had experienced before like intense grief, sorry, depression, despair, and loneliness.
I did a lot of growing up. God did a lot to change me and to soften my heart. I got hurt a lot but I emerged stronger. And when I least expected it God gave me such intense joy and purpose. God sent a guy into my life and we started to fall in love with each other. It was a totally new experience. I learned (slowly) to open up and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys.
Part of me is sad to be done with school and leave this place. I have made friends and have had such fun times. But the other part of me is glad. For some reason I feel like if I leave this place then I will leave all that sadness behind as well. But I know that it isn't true. I will forever carry the memories and the scars of the past. But I know that they are a gift. I will be able to show my scars to those who are wounded and tell them that there is hope and that God will bring healing. I will be able to remember what it is like to hurt so much that I felt like my heart was ripped in two. I will be able to cry along with those who are hurting and tell them that there is always hope when we have Christ.
Wow, I opened up a lot more then I was going to in this post. I don't want to leave you sad and hurting for me. I have joy in my heart because God loves me. He has demonstrated this love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember Christ's love.
I remember when I first moved here. I woke up and cried because I was far away from home. Then I made friends with my roommates and another girl. This girl and I spent a lot of time together. My legs were very sore the first few weeks because of all the stairs I was climbing. I've hardly ridden in the elevator here.
I never got involved on campus in any clubs. I attended Campus Crusade for a while but didn't really connect. I enjoyed most of my classes. There were a few that I didn't like so much for various reasons but it was a positive experience overall. There are a few classes that I'll always remember.
Aikido - I took this class my first semester. I really enjoyed being able to dabble in another martial art. I even taught a few of the techniques in the dojo during our summer camp.
Biology - I remember being able to go on all these fun field trips and lab was fun. I remember the lab when we studied all different types of fruit and then we got to eat it. I tasted my first star fruit and fresh coconut. The lectures were fascinating.
Chemistry - This was my nightmare class. I didn't like it at all. But I did have fun in lab.
Nutrition - I just really enjoy learning about nutrition.
Group Fitness - This was a fun class. The tests were really easy and we did a lot of working out and experiencing all kinds of group exercise.
Principles of Human Movement - I was told that this was the hardest class but I found it easy. It was basically a physics class.
Principles of Strength and Conditioning - My teacher used a lot of bad language but once I got past that he was a crack up. It was a hard class but interesting.
Badminton - I connected with a set of twins and had a lot of fun playing with them all semester.
Volleyball - Just a lot of fun.
Physical Dimensions of Aging - An easy, fun class that I learned a lot in. The teacher was really good at keeping us engaged and participating.
Well, that turned into several so I better stop. Let's just say that most of the time I felt like I was having fun and playing. But then mid terms or finals would roll around and I would stress out like any other college student.
One of the things that I really enjoyed was my internship this semester. I learned so much in that. I also gained experience and it was fun!
Lots of other things happened here as well. I've shed lots and lots of tears in my dorm room. I've spent lots of time reading my Bible, praying, dancing (when no one was looking) and talking to my roommates. I had to deal with being away from home, missing my family and not being with them when they were going through tough times. I had to deal with my father getting sick and almost dying. I had to struggle through tough times along with my family. I had to deal with things that I never had experienced before like intense grief, sorry, depression, despair, and loneliness.
I did a lot of growing up. God did a lot to change me and to soften my heart. I got hurt a lot but I emerged stronger. And when I least expected it God gave me such intense joy and purpose. God sent a guy into my life and we started to fall in love with each other. It was a totally new experience. I learned (slowly) to open up and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys.
Part of me is sad to be done with school and leave this place. I have made friends and have had such fun times. But the other part of me is glad. For some reason I feel like if I leave this place then I will leave all that sadness behind as well. But I know that it isn't true. I will forever carry the memories and the scars of the past. But I know that they are a gift. I will be able to show my scars to those who are wounded and tell them that there is hope and that God will bring healing. I will be able to remember what it is like to hurt so much that I felt like my heart was ripped in two. I will be able to cry along with those who are hurting and tell them that there is always hope when we have Christ.
Wow, I opened up a lot more then I was going to in this post. I don't want to leave you sad and hurting for me. I have joy in my heart because God loves me. He has demonstrated this love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember Christ's love.
Friday, November 5, 2010
God's Presence
One of the reasons I created this blog was to talk about my relationship with God. What He has done in my life and what He is doing. I feel like it is about time for another post.
In my relationship with God I'm the one with all the problems. If we aren't doing so well it's my fault. I have all the hurts and issues and questions and He is the constant one. I'm the one with the divided heart and the one that struggles and feels like I'm not even close. But as I think about all my problems I realize that God is bigger than all that. He looks past my failures and loves me for who I am. My issues don't keep Him away or stop Him from pursuing me. Even my sin is blotted out so nothing is between us. It is quite amazing to think about this love that is so deep and wide and long.
Lately I've been feeling like God is far away. I don't like long distance relationships. I need something close like right here beside me. I wonder why I don't feel God's presence like I used to. Maybe I'm not stilling my heart and my mind. Maybe God is choosing not to let me feel Him. Maybe what I felt before wasn't real. I don't believe the last one. It keeps on popping up in my mind though. But I know that I've felt the presence of God many times with different people at different churches. So I know that His presence is real. Maybe it's that I'm not hungry enough for God. There have been other times in my life that I've been hungry and desperate for God. I think the amazing thing is that even when I don't feel Him I know that He's here. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that no matter what He is here beside me. Sometimes that promise is not enough for me. I want to feel Him, see Him, touch Him, hear Him. But for now I must cling to the hope that one day I shall be able to do these things.
God is good. He has given me so much in this life. He has given me more blessings than I could count. Most importantly He has given me eternal life. I love Him so much. I just want to love Him with all of my heart. But how can I do that?
In my relationship with God I'm the one with all the problems. If we aren't doing so well it's my fault. I have all the hurts and issues and questions and He is the constant one. I'm the one with the divided heart and the one that struggles and feels like I'm not even close. But as I think about all my problems I realize that God is bigger than all that. He looks past my failures and loves me for who I am. My issues don't keep Him away or stop Him from pursuing me. Even my sin is blotted out so nothing is between us. It is quite amazing to think about this love that is so deep and wide and long.
Lately I've been feeling like God is far away. I don't like long distance relationships. I need something close like right here beside me. I wonder why I don't feel God's presence like I used to. Maybe I'm not stilling my heart and my mind. Maybe God is choosing not to let me feel Him. Maybe what I felt before wasn't real. I don't believe the last one. It keeps on popping up in my mind though. But I know that I've felt the presence of God many times with different people at different churches. So I know that His presence is real. Maybe it's that I'm not hungry enough for God. There have been other times in my life that I've been hungry and desperate for God. I think the amazing thing is that even when I don't feel Him I know that He's here. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that no matter what He is here beside me. Sometimes that promise is not enough for me. I want to feel Him, see Him, touch Him, hear Him. But for now I must cling to the hope that one day I shall be able to do these things.
God is good. He has given me so much in this life. He has given me more blessings than I could count. Most importantly He has given me eternal life. I love Him so much. I just want to love Him with all of my heart. But how can I do that?
Monday, November 1, 2010
"Rebellion"
A lot of college students enjoy their new freedom away from their parents. I was thinking about how so many of them get themselves into trouble experimenting or doing things that would really upset their parents if they found out.
I'm different. The most "out there" thing that I have done is to go into a Halloween store for the first time, actually go out and get candy at a Halloween event this year, and earlier this semester, watch Harry Potter. I've decided that my parents have done a good job brainwashing me into thinking that Halloween is a dark holiday that I should have nothing to do with. Or maybe it is a dark holiday that I shouldn't participate in. The Halloween store was creepy and I was glad to leave. I sometimes wonder why I'm so sensitive to stuff. Is Halloween just a harmless holiday or should we have nothing to do with it? Or should we just stay in the middle and say it's okay as long as we have "festivals" at our church that night and don't call it Halloween. Maybe it's okay to celebrate as long as we dress up like Bible characters and hand out tracts along with candy to all the trick or treaters.
All I know is that while watching Harry Potter is fun, for some reason when all the witches, vampires, ghosts and other characters come out on Halloween they creep me out. I feel sorry for my kids someday because I will be hiding in the house drinking tea and reading on Halloween because I'm too scared by the commotion outside. Perhaps their father will have pity on our poor costume and candy deprived kids and take them out trick or treating.
I'm different. The most "out there" thing that I have done is to go into a Halloween store for the first time, actually go out and get candy at a Halloween event this year, and earlier this semester, watch Harry Potter. I've decided that my parents have done a good job brainwashing me into thinking that Halloween is a dark holiday that I should have nothing to do with. Or maybe it is a dark holiday that I shouldn't participate in. The Halloween store was creepy and I was glad to leave. I sometimes wonder why I'm so sensitive to stuff. Is Halloween just a harmless holiday or should we have nothing to do with it? Or should we just stay in the middle and say it's okay as long as we have "festivals" at our church that night and don't call it Halloween. Maybe it's okay to celebrate as long as we dress up like Bible characters and hand out tracts along with candy to all the trick or treaters.
All I know is that while watching Harry Potter is fun, for some reason when all the witches, vampires, ghosts and other characters come out on Halloween they creep me out. I feel sorry for my kids someday because I will be hiding in the house drinking tea and reading on Halloween because I'm too scared by the commotion outside. Perhaps their father will have pity on our poor costume and candy deprived kids and take them out trick or treating.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Rain...
The holidays are approaching. I view my birthday as the start of the holiday season. Today is making me think of the upcoming holidays. The rain outside makes me wish for hot tea and cookies and sitting around the fireplace. These things remind me of Christmas time. I'm also listening to Christmas music which is making me think of past years and the upcoming holidays. This year is my last one as a single child still living at home. Part of me is sad knowing that the Merry Christmas's of my childhood are in the past. The other part of me is glad knowing that I will be spending the rest of my Christmas's with the love of my life. I'm really looking forward to this year as we will be spending it together along with my family. The rain makes me wish it was Christmas now. I wish that I was curled up on the couch with him and a cup of tea.
Thanksgiving is still up in the air. We were planning on going to his parents for the holiday but it looks like we won't because of finances. Man... I wish school was over.
Thanksgiving is still up in the air. We were planning on going to his parents for the holiday but it looks like we won't because of finances. Man... I wish school was over.
Monday, October 18, 2010
I'm Getting Married!!!!
I've been keeping another blog that is about my journey with my almost husband. It has made me neglect this blog. I thought it was about time that I post something new.
My life has changed drastically in the last eight months. I had no idea that I would meet the most amazing man, fall head over heels in love, get engaged, and then get married less than a year later. Life is good. God is good. I know that He brought us together. I never thought that I would fall in love so quickly and so deeply. But I did. I didn't think anyone would fall in love with me so quickly or so deeply. But he did. And now we are planning our wedding and spending the rest of our lives together. I'm excited about finishing school in eight weeks and then moving home. I'll be home for a month and then I'm getting married! I'm so excited for the day that I will become his wife.
My life has changed drastically in the last eight months. I had no idea that I would meet the most amazing man, fall head over heels in love, get engaged, and then get married less than a year later. Life is good. God is good. I know that He brought us together. I never thought that I would fall in love so quickly and so deeply. But I did. I didn't think anyone would fall in love with me so quickly or so deeply. But he did. And now we are planning our wedding and spending the rest of our lives together. I'm excited about finishing school in eight weeks and then moving home. I'll be home for a month and then I'm getting married! I'm so excited for the day that I will become his wife.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Prayer Wardrobe
For some reason I feel like praying when I go into small enclosed spaces. I often pray when I am in the bathroom. Tonight I was feeling really sad and like a little kid I wanted to hide away. So I climbed into one of the empty wardrobes in my dorm room. Immediately, I said a short prayer and then after sitting there for only a minute I got out because I had homework to do. But then I realized that I really did need to pray. Someone actually asked for my prayer so I left my computer and homework and climbed back into the wardrobe with my Bible, a light, a pencil, paper and tape. I taped the paper up and started writing down names and praying for people. Then I read a chapter in my Bible. I didn't feel so alone while I was in there. I'm going to try to pray in there everyday for the rest of the semester.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
A New Attitude
I have been really stressed out and even depressed for the past week or so. Today things are changing. I was in class and I heard exactly what I needed to hear. My professor was talking about stress and she said that what stresses people out is that they are not who they want to be. I realized that I am unsatisfied with where I am right now. I want to be closer to God, I want to trust Him fully, I want to be honest and open with my fiancee, I want to be able to forgive those who have hurt me, and I want to have more joy and fulfillment in life. I realize that I need to change my attitude. Instead of being unsatisfied, I need to be content with what I have. I want my fiancee to be here now but I have to be content with our phone calls for now. I need to have joy in whatever the circumstance and be grateful for what I do have.
There were a few other things that stood out to me and that I want to apply to my life. I need the will to continue to live in the face of challenges and to live joyfully. I need to persevere and have optimism, courage, commitment and dedication. Gratitude is very important as well as hope, faith and forgiveness. "...Forgiveness is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving."
And above all I need to put God first. That is the only way to insure that my life has meaning and a purpose. For I am nothing without Him.
There were a few other things that stood out to me and that I want to apply to my life. I need the will to continue to live in the face of challenges and to live joyfully. I need to persevere and have optimism, courage, commitment and dedication. Gratitude is very important as well as hope, faith and forgiveness. "...Forgiveness is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving."
And above all I need to put God first. That is the only way to insure that my life has meaning and a purpose. For I am nothing without Him.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Panic Attack
I'm not sure where I'm headed with this blog post. I just felt like blogging today even though it is too early to blog about today. I need someone to talk to. I have stuff going on and have known for while that I need to see a counselor. Well... this morning I'm having another one of those freak outs. I think I may be having a panic attack. I need help...
I decided that maybe I needed to read some scripture so I opened the Daily Light to today's reading. "I have indeed seen the misery of my people." This verse stuck out to me. Here I am feeling miserable, and God has the mercy to notice me. To know that God sees me in this time brings me comfort. The verses that follow talk about Jesus carrying our infirmities and diseases, about his suffering, weeping, and distress. Knowing that our Lord went through the same things that we are going through gives me comfort. Knowing that I am the apple of his eye and that He is always watching over me brings me comfort.
I just wish I would stop freaking out about my life.
I decided that maybe I needed to read some scripture so I opened the Daily Light to today's reading. "I have indeed seen the misery of my people." This verse stuck out to me. Here I am feeling miserable, and God has the mercy to notice me. To know that God sees me in this time brings me comfort. The verses that follow talk about Jesus carrying our infirmities and diseases, about his suffering, weeping, and distress. Knowing that our Lord went through the same things that we are going through gives me comfort. Knowing that I am the apple of his eye and that He is always watching over me brings me comfort.
I just wish I would stop freaking out about my life.
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