My Hope Is In Christ Jesus

For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and it is only now that the doctors have realized what is wrong. His hormone levels are low and the problem is being caused by a cyst on his pituitary gland. He will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying. I seem to get distracted by everything going on around me and I lack motivation. Even getting C's on my tests aren't motivating me enough to study more. But my bad test scores are making me feel bad like I'm a loser. I didn't realize how important it was for my pride to get good grades.

I've been struggling a lot also. It seems like my old sins are taking control again. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

This last week I thought to myself that if God didn't exist I would kill myself. (No, I'm not in danger of suicide). If you believe that there is a God than you don't have to worry about me. But I'm sharing this because that is how hopeless this world is without Jesus. If there was no God or Jesus then this would be a hopeless world. But God does exist and not only that He loves us.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. When all other hope is lost I can still look to God and know that there will be better days ahead. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.

Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying

I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically. This was a very painful experience. He got whipped until there was no skin on His back and a crown of long thorns was stuck onto His head. He then had a nail driven through His feet and each hand. Then if that was not bad enough, He was lifted up to hang by those nails. That is more pain than most people have experienced. But during Jesus' time many people died this way. What makes Jesus' death different than others?

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself. He didn't just die for our sins. He became sin for us. Hanging on that cross Jesus was a murderer, liar, rapist, cheater, thief, and every sin that we could possibly think of.

3. God turned His back on Him. Never has there been a human on earth that God has turned away from. Christ called out in anguish. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" This was the worst thing you can imagine. It was hell.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.

I'm going to post scripture references up here to support my points.

God Use Me

I have been saying this for the last couple months. I have been asking for God to use me on my campus to spread the good news. Yesterday I realized that God has been giving me opportunities to serve Him. He has given me opportunities to be used by Him. Sarah has asked me to serve in children's ministry, Jeff has asked me to be an usher, Joseph has asked me to be a part of the newcomer's welcome ministry, and just yesterday Daniel was asking me to be a part of the after school program that he is starting and to teach karate there. I am an usher and a welcome person at church now. But what did I say to children's ministry? I did not know if God wanted me to do that. What did I tell Daniel about the once a week teaching karate? I did not have time. I have been waiting for God to give me a divine appointment on campus. But maybe God is trying to tell me to get more involved in church first. How can I ask God to use me and then turn down opportunities to serve Him? How can I expect God to give me more if I am not faithful in what He has already given me?

My new prayer is that God will use me where He wants to. I ask that God will not allow me to pass up opportunities to serve Him.

Valentine's Day

Being single this Valentine's Day does not bother me so much because it is much better than thinking that someone special is going to take you out and then getting let down. Valentine's Day does make me a bit wistful because it is a day of romancing that I wish was mine. So I was thinking of what I find romantic and hope someone does for me someday.

1. Serenade me. I would love it if someone came and stood under my dorm window and sang to me. Some might find this creepy but I would love it!

2. Say Happy Valentine's Day several different ways. Leave a text, voice mail, facebook message, call, leave a note, mail a letter, send flowers, write a message on my car (washable of course), surprise me at school (or wherever I am). Doing more of these things make it more special.

3. Take me out dancing. Swing would be nice.

But this Valentine's Day I know that I will not experience these things. I just hope that Jesus shows His love to me in a new and special way. If He does then it will make my day!

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

During the past few months I have been learning about passion. Passion for Jesus who gave His all so that we might be saved. God has given me this passion for Him that is greater than anything I have ever experienced. This is a passion that is not kept hidden but instead bursts out through songs, dancing, shouting, and radiant joyful expressions on people's faces. Most of the people at my church have this passion. They can't keep from singing and dancing. They can't keep from shouting and jumping up and down.

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ? They don't want to sing or speak about it. They think living moral lives is what God has required of them. I used to be one of those people. I wondered why I didn't get excited about anything. I would feel hollow and unsatisfied inside. It was not until I got really passionate about Jesus that I could really enjoy my life.

If the unbelievers can go wild over rock stars, why can't we go wild over Jesus? If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. People are out there dying and going to hell! We cannot be passive Christians anymore. Instead we must be passionate about what we believe in.

The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?

2009 New Year's Resolutions

What I want to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

Happy New Year 2009!

Happy New Year! I look forward to what the New Year is going to bring. I am excited to see what God has in store for me.

Merry Christmas!

I wish a Merry Christmas to all of you. Christmas is my favorite holiday because of what it means to me. Jesus came to earth as a baby. God with us. It is an amazing thing that too often we as christians take for granted. God is with us and will always be.

My family makes a big deal of Christmas. We start celebrating as soon as Thanksgiving is over. We put up decorations and observe the four Sundays of Advent. On Christmas Eve we open our presents and have a fancy dinner. We tell the Christmas story and have a wonderful time of hanging out with family. We continue celebrating on Christmas Day by emptying our stockings and having another wonderful dinner. The time spent between Christmas and New Year's is usually filled with more sweets, family time, and celebration. We finally end our Christmas celebration on January 6th with the visit of the Magi. Then we take down all our decorations.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

This morning, when I woke up to go to morning prayer, it was raining. At first, I didn't want to go to get up and go but then I remembered that I had made up my mind to go yesterday and I wasn't going to change it. I drove carefully since it was the first rain in a while. The roads are extra dangerous during the first rain because there is still oil on the road. Oil and water make a bad combination. At least that is what everyone tells me. It started raining harder after I got back from prayer. I noticed that there was a huge puddle on the lawn outside of my room. Since my room was freezing cold I decided to go with my roommate to school. We got our stuff together and grabbed our umbrellas. Then we walked to the corner to cross the street. It was totally flooded around the corner. I had to step in and get wet. But then, when we got to the other side we realized that the water was deep. We waded through the almost knee deep water. There was no way around it. Once we had crossed I noticed that the water flooded half the street. I found it amazing that a city street would not have better drainage.

I won't be going back across the street until after my final this afternoon.

He is My Beloved

I was recently thinking about my purity ring again. When you wear something on your finger all the time it kind of stays in your mind. I wrote about my purity ring last year in October. You can find that post and read it if you want to. I was thinking a little deeper in the symbolism of my ring. I can look at my ring two different ways.

1) The cross is in my heart. The cross symbolizes Jesus' love for me. It also stands for Jesus Himself. He is the dearest thing to me. I love Him more than anything else. I will follow Him anywhere and will never let go of Him. I can't bear to separated from Him. I am utterly miserable without Jesus.

2) The heart is not mine it is Jesus' heart. The heart symbolizes His love for me. He loves me so much that He died for me. He has been pursuing me since I was conceived. He is the ultimate intimate lover of my soul.

So there are two ways of looking at my ring. It stands not only for my love and promise to God, but for His love and promise to me. Now my ring seems so much greater.