Denying Myself

Matthew 16:24-26 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

I used to wonder what denying yourself meant. I thought my life was easy. God blessed me and it was better for me to live for Him than to not live for Him. I didn't feel like I was denying myself anything. I didn't want to be bad or do bad things so I didn't feel deprived. Then I felt like I should fast from movies and TV. This verse keeps on popping up into my head. I must deny myself the pleasure of watching movies. This is hard at times but is much easier than the other things that I now realize I have to deny myself. Those things that I ask myself "is this sin or is it good pleasure?" I realize that is not the question to ask. I must give up these things in order to take up my cross and follow Christ. I must lose my life for Christ. What does that mean? I am to lose my life in order to find it? I think it means that I am to give up my life for the things that are more important. Why should I live for the temporary when I can make a difference in the eternal? Why should I seek pleasure and success in this world at the expense of my relationship with Jesus Christ?

I think God has great plans for me. No, I KNOW that God has great plans for me. I don't know what they all are yet. I feel this struggle going on inside of me. I want to do good. I want to pray. I want to serve God. I want to spend time with God. I want to know God more. But there is this.... something...that is keeping me away from Him. I feel like there is a struggle going on for my soul. I know that I am saved but Satan is trying to drag me back to sin. He is intent on dragging me down and putting a stop to what I am meant to do. Satan would not be so determined if there were not great plans for me. I know that God has marvelous plans for my life.

Oh God, save me and give me the strength and determination that I need to persevere until the end!