Relationships

Here I am today feeling rather lonely. How can I feel lonely when I have a big family? Why do I feel like something or someone is missing? Ever since I can remember I've wanted kids. The desire has grown stronger as I've gotten older. I see the relationship that my Mother has with us and want that for myself. It is a desire that is so strong. I feel like part of me is missing. Recently my desire for marriage has deepened. But I don't understand marriage. The more I think about it the more it is a mystery to me. I see many marriages around me, both good and bad. But I don't fully comprehend the bond between a man and a woman. It is something so powerful yet so mysterious that it baffles me. I guess I understand the bond between a Mother and child because I experience it from the child's point of view. But marriage scares me deep inside. How can I desire something, yet fear it?

God has put desires into my heart. Some of these desires I can satisfy on earth, but there is one desire that cannot be satisfied. To put it in simple words: I want to see Jesus. I want to see Jesus more than anything. I am lonely because I need to be closer to Jesus. If I was fully satisfied and perfect then I wouldn't need Jesus. But I am a child who is struggling. I need Jesus more than anything in this world. I think that by waiting for a husband and children I learn to wait for Jesus.