End of School

This morning I walked over to school to get a few things done. I couldn't help thinking about the past two and a half years there. I have learned so much and grown up so much as well. And soon it will all be in my past.

I remember when I first moved here. I woke up and cried because I was far away from home. Then I made friends with my roommates and another girl. This girl and I spent a lot of time together. My legs were very sore the first few weeks because of all the stairs I was climbing. I've hardly ridden in the elevator here.

I never got involved on campus in any clubs. I attended Campus Crusade for a while but didn't really connect. I enjoyed most of my classes. There were a few that I didn't like so much for various reasons but it was a positive experience overall. There are a few classes that I'll always remember.

Aikido - I took this class my first semester. I really enjoyed being able to dabble in another martial art. I even taught a few of the techniques in the dojo during our summer camp.

Biology - I remember being able to go on all these fun field trips and lab was fun. I remember the lab when we studied all different types of fruit and then we got to eat it. I tasted my first star fruit and fresh coconut. The lectures were fascinating.

Chemistry - This was my nightmare class. I didn't like it at all. But I did have fun in lab.

Nutrition - I just really enjoy learning about nutrition.

Group Fitness - This was a fun class. The tests were really easy and we did a lot of working out and experiencing all kinds of group exercise.

Principles of Human Movement - I was told that this was the hardest class but I found it easy. It was basically a physics class.

Principles of Strength and Conditioning - My teacher used a lot of bad language but once I got past that he was a crack up. It was a hard class but interesting.

Badminton - I connected with a set of twins and had a lot of fun playing with them all semester.

Volleyball - Just a lot of fun.

Physical Dimensions of Aging - An easy, fun class that I learned a lot in. The teacher was really good at keeping us engaged and participating.

Well, that turned into several so I better stop. Let's just say that most of the time I felt like I was having fun and playing. But then mid terms or finals would roll around and I would stress out like any other college student.

One of the things that I really enjoyed was my internship this semester. I learned so much in that. I also gained experience and it was fun!

Lots of other things happened here as well. I've shed lots and lots of tears in my dorm room. I've spent lots of time reading my Bible, praying, dancing (when no one was looking) and talking to my roommates. I had to deal with being away from home, missing my family and not being with them when they were going through tough times. I had to deal with my father getting sick and almost dying. I had to struggle through tough times along with my family. I had to deal with things that I never had experienced before like intense grief, sorry, depression, despair, and loneliness.

I did a lot of growing up. God did a lot to change me and to soften my heart. I got hurt a lot but I emerged stronger. And when I least expected it God gave me such intense joy and purpose. God sent a guy into my life and we started to fall in love with each other. It was a totally new experience. I learned (slowly) to open up and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys.

Part of me is sad to be done with school and leave this place. I have made friends and have had such fun times. But the other part of me is glad. For some reason I feel like if I leave this place then I will leave all that sadness behind as well. But I know that it isn't true. I will forever carry the memories and the scars of the past. But I know that they are a gift. I will be able to show my scars to those who are wounded and tell them that there is hope and that God will bring healing. I will be able to remember what it is like to hurt so much that I felt like my heart was ripped in two. I will be able to cry along with those who are hurting and tell them that there is always hope when we have Christ.

Wow, I opened up a lot more then I was going to in this post. I don't want to leave you sad and hurting for me. I have joy in my heart because God loves me. He has demonstrated this love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember Christ's love.

"Rebellion"

A lot of college students enjoy their new freedom away from their parents. I was thinking about how so many of them get themselves into trouble experimenting or doing things that would really upset their parents if they found out.

I'm different. The most "out there" thing that I have done is to go into a Halloween store for the first time, actually go out and get candy at a Halloween event this year, and earlier this semester, watch Harry Potter. I've decided that my parents have done a good job brainwashing me into thinking that Halloween is a dark holiday that I should have nothing to do with. Or maybe it is a dark holiday that I shouldn't participate in. The Halloween store was creepy and I was glad to leave. I sometimes wonder why I'm so sensitive to stuff. Is Halloween just a harmless holiday or should we have nothing to do with it? Or should we just stay in the middle and say it's okay as long as we have "festivals" at our church that night and don't call it Halloween. Maybe it's okay to celebrate as long as we dress up like Bible characters and hand out tracts along with candy to all the trick or treaters.

All I know is that while watching Harry Potter is fun, for some reason when all the witches, vampires, ghosts and other characters come out on Halloween they creep me out. I feel sorry for my kids someday because I will be hiding in the house drinking tea and reading on Halloween because I'm too scared by the commotion outside. Perhaps their father will have pity on our poor costume and candy deprived kids and take them out trick or treating.

Internship

Yesterday, I registered for classes for next semester. I don't have an internship for next semester so I couldn't register for the internship class that I need in order to graduate. So my plan is to finish this semester and then return home to intern in the dojo next year. I will have to make a few trips down to school for my internship class during the spring semester. But this will be nice and give me an excuse to visit all my friends down there. I think this way my "last" semester is going to be less stressful. I'm already looking forward to school.

Another thing that I'm thinking about is getting a job for this fall. It would be helpful to make some money to cover car expenses and such. So, I'm thinking of places and working on applications.

Summer 2010

Today was the last day of my finals. I am done with school for now. Only one more semester left until graduation. I'm looking forward to summer even though it means saying goodbye to the boyfriend for a little while. I have all sorts of exciting plans for the summer which might be busier than the school year.

What I'm doing this summer:

- Five weeks of karate camp in the dojo. Some weeks will just be one hour each day and other weeks will be four and a half hours.

- A little over a week long camping trip in Northern CA with some of my family.

- A trip to Texas for the USKA World Championships.

- Teaching karate five days a week in the afternoon for the whole summer minus the camping trip and Worlds trip time.

- Bonfires and hanging out with friends on the weekends.

- At least one or two weekend trips to visit relations.

I think that basically fills up my summer.

Well, the semester is over...

This last semester was an interesting one. For some reason I didn't care much about my grades. But I realized at the end of the semester that it was a really fun one. I learned a lot that applied to my life. I had some great professors who were amazing teachers. I'm looking forward to the next semester. I hope to meet new people and make new friends as well as learning more about the most fascinating organism on the earth, the human.

Finals are approaching

I have this project due for my sport psychology class. It consists of five videos and five papers explaining about concepts and how the videos relate to them. It is due on Monday. After I finish, I can focus on my finals. I have my finals for the one unit classes next week and the rest of my finals are the week after.

I Run On

There has been so much going on in my life lately. I have just finished the last of my tests. I don't have any more tests until finals. I am registered for classes next semester as well as for intersession. I can see the end of school not that far ahead. I will be done next year in December.

God is amazing. He has promised to complete the work that He began. I had a breakdown and time of repentance last Saturday. I can honestly say that I feel different. I gave a lot up to God but it is freeing. I am almost scared that I'll take it all back but I am clinging on to God and He will give me the strength.

I am running on toward the goal.

Almost back to school...

I made big plans for the summer and only accomplished some of the things that I had set out to.

1. I didn't spend that much time worshiping God. I wanted to but it didn't happen. I was caught up in the busy days and sadly did not go up to the mountains like I wanted to. I don't feel like my relationship with God is any closer. Instead, I am more aware of my own sins.

2. I started to read Practicing The Presence of God but didn't get very far. I don't know why I can't seem to finish books anymore.

3. I did spend time with my family. My Daddy and I went out to dinner at the beginning of the summer. We had a great time together. This was a family summer.

4. I did lose some fat but I don't know about the muscle. LOL My eating habits were good about half the summer and bad the other half.

5. I trained kata. Not as much as I wanted to. But I did.

6. I managed to organize my room. I even got bins that fit under my bed to put clothes in.

I spent a lot of time in the dojo. I taught six weeks of summer camp. I also taught every afternoon that the dojo was open. I worked out and practiced my kata. I'm going to miss the dojo when I go back to school.

Zzyzx

I spent yesterday evening until after noon today at Zzyzx for a biology field trip. It was hot there. Really hot. The heat made some people really grumpy. Still others were upset that they had to go on this field trip. I enjoyed the field trip despite the hundred degree temperature. I found the desert to be a beautiful place full of life. I wondered why I found it enjoyable and so beautiful. Then I realized that I was in love with the Creator of the desert which made it beautiful in my eyes. It is my love for God that makes me appreciative for what He has made whether it be desert or ocean, puppy or bug, rocks or plants, cold or hot. I look at nature and say "wow my God is good!"

First Week of School

My first week of school went quite well. I am taking six classes which add up to sixteen units. I'm taking Intro to Kinesiology, Human Anatomy and Physiology, History and Philosophy of Human Movement, College Writing, Measurements and Statistics in Kines, and Aikido. My Aikido class is very interesting and fun. It is nice to be a beginning student again. My hardest class this semester is going to be Anatomy and Physiology.

I got a job at the Titan Recreation Center. I'm a substitute drop-in fitness instructor. I watched a few classes this week to get an idea of what is going on. I feel ready to teach whenever I get called in. I hope I can work at least one hour every week or two. I need to get another job. But it is hard to find jobs because everyone is looking for one and most places aren't hiring.

I went to the Rec Center and participated in a Martial Arts Fitness class last night. I had a great time. I had not realized how much I had missed the dojo. It felt good to work out.

This weekend is going to be tough for me. I already feel a little lonely and homesick. I don't have any homework due. I am going to read ahead and start working on some of my assignments to pass the time. I don't have any plans but I hope to make some. I'm sitting here at the computer feeling alone. It's weird. When I was at home I would want my alone time and I treasured it. Now I wish I wasn't alone. I want to hang out with my family and have the closeness that only happens between family members. But God is with me. He has never left me. These days I am forced to depend on God for comfort and companionship. That is good.

Dear God, draw me close and hold me. My heart aches for I am lonely. Comfort me and love me. I love You. I thank You for everything. You are my Lord and my Lover. I praise You for You are truly great!

I'm Okay

It's better than I thought it would be. I had a much better weekend than I thought I would have. I checked in on Saturday and then raced at break neck speed (not really) to get to the tournament. I ended up seeing my cousins compete. I judged and competed in kata and kumite. I decided to skip orientation and went to visit my cousins instead.

When I got back to my dorm I met one of my roommates. She is the coolest person! Of course I think a bunch of my friends are the coolest people. We hit it off right from the start. I unpacked my stuff and went to bed. I woke up in the morning feeling really homesick. I called my parents and cried on the phone. Then I went to church. It was amazing. My brother's girlfriend arrived a few minutes after I did. When the music started the pastor's daughter started dancing. It was the most beautiful thing that I had seen. I cried because it was beautiful and because I had been missing worship so much. I hung on every word the pastor said. I am so hungry for God. It is amazing to go to a church and have people pray for you like you are the most special person in the world. That is how I felt. My prayer for this school year is to have the greatest hunger and thirst for God. My prayer is that God will fill me with His Spirit and His burning fire.

I've had an awesome week. The people here are really nice and the food is good. God is working in me and I'm making friends. I've been hanging out with my older brother and I went to Magic Mountain.

I'm also looking for a job. I applied for a job at CVS Pharmacy. I feel really good about working there. Pray that God will open doors for me and my friend who needs a job more than I do.

Moving

I'm leaving. I thought I would never leave home to go to college but now I am. I am leaving this weekend to move into my dorm. I'll be there a week before school starts. I made up my mind last January to transfer to Cal State Fullerton. Now that it is a reality I am getting scared. I have been depressed at the thought of leaving home. I'm going to miss my family a lot. I'm also going to miss everyone at the dojo. My going away party was last weekend. It hit me real hard. I'm actually leaving. I know that it won't be too bad when I get there and settle in. But I am still scared at the thought of it all.

There is so much still to do before I leave this weekend. I have finished most of my shopping. I'm packing my things this week. I'll be cleaning my room from top to bottom on Thursday in order to leave it cleaner than it has been in a long time.

There are things that I am looking forward to. I'm looking forward to making new friends. I'm looking forward to new experiences and learning new things. I'll be missing a lot back home but I'll be doing and experiencing enough new things to make up for it. At least that is what I tell myself.

CSU Fullerton

I just applied to CSU Fullerton. I'm a little nervous and I hope I get accepted. If I get accepted then I will most likely be moving down to Fullerton this fall. I didn't have enough units so I will have to do summer school. I am taking nine units now and am going to sign up for six more units this spring and six more in the summer. So I'll be busy. I also have to earn some spending money for when I move down. My father said he would pay my tuition. I am so grateful to him. I still have a lot of work and then a lot of planning to do. But I'm looking forward to this next part of my life. I had a feeling that my life would drastically change this year and now it looks like it is going to.

Legal Murder

I gave this speech in class last week and it turned out good. So I thought I would post it here for everyone to read.

Disposable People

America is a wasteful society. We have disposable dishes, paper towels, and diapers. We throw away vast amounts of stuff everyday. But stuff is not the only thing we throw away. Let me tell you about what I call the disposable people. Disposable people are those that are thrown away because no one wants them. I am talking about abortion and euthanasia.

So what is the problem with abortion? Abortion is the leading cause of death claiming about 3,700 victims everyday. That is 1.3 million abortions per year. Over 40 million babies have been aborted since 1973. This far out numbers all soldier fatalities going back to the revolutionary war. 1/3 of people are being aborted. We could have killed the next Einstin, or delayed finding the cure for cancer and AIDS. So why are these babies being aborted? 93% of abortions are because the baby is unwanted or the timing is “inconvenient”.

Euthanasia is not yet legal in the United States but people are trying to legalize it. Euthanasia is killing a patient who is suffering and going to die anyway. Sometimes the overdose of medication is given to the patient so he can end his life if he chooses and other times it is the family that decides when the Doctor should mercifully end the life of the patient. Physician assisted suicide is legal in Oregon where a Doctor can prescribe a lethal dose of medication to a patient who is terminally ill and wishes to end their life.

Duet 30:19 This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live

Euthanasia brings several questions to mind. Are terminally people in the right frame of mind to be making the decision? What keeps Euthanasia from getting out of hand? Will euthanizing children be made legal?

We must make sure that we do not end up like Germany under Hitler. Hitler killed Jews, Christians, and anyone who did not fit into his “perfect race”. My Grandmother remembers one day when they took all the handicapped people away and killed them just for being defective.

Our future relies on the unborn children. They are our future Doctors, Scientists, and leaders.

So what can we do to stop this? Raise people’s awareness and vote when these issues come up. Put an end to legal murder and stop abortion and Euthanasia.

But overall we must value all life and put an end to disposable people.

Grades

Yeah! Finally all my grades for last semester are available. I got three A's and three B's. I am totally excited about getting an A in college algebra. Hooray!

Hurray!

School is over and done with. I'm glad that I have free time now. There are a few things that I want to do over Christmas break.

1. Start an exercise routine. I want to exercise everyday to get in shape. I'm going to start lifting weights and going on walks as well as getting back into my martial arts training.

2. Spend time with family. I have a great family and have missed out on spending time with them this semester.

3. Hang out with friends.

4. Catch up on things around the house. I want to clean my closet out and organize my room.

Sleep

I'm a sleepy head. I usually go to bed around 10 or 11pm and wake up anywhere from 6 to 7am. I don't lose much sleep during the school year. I might stay up an extra hour or two. Since my middle name is procrastination, I had to procrastinate and not keep up with my online history class. Last week I had a deadline to make. I had seven more chapters to take and seven tests to take by midnight Friday. So Thursday night I stayed up to read three chapters and take the tests. I drank two cups of coffee. I am convinced that caffeine is a drug. I don't regularly drink coffee. I ended staying up until 4:15am. I would have stayed up to take one more test but I had classes the next day. I drank another cup of coffee in the morning. I was surprised that I didn't crash during my chemistry lab in the afternoon. I managed to take two more tests during the day. Then I went to karate and I ended up crashing during fight class. It was pitiful. I was so tired I could barely move. But I forced myself. That evening I took the last two tests and then went to bed. I feel good about getting it all done but next time I will try not to procrastinate for so long. I don't want to have to pull an "almost" all nighter.

Why on earth did I take 20 units?

I feel so overwhelmed with school. I'm not even doing that much. I have tons of assignments due and homework to finish. But I just feel too overwhelmed. For the past few weeks I have gone into "I can't do it so I'm not motivated." It is so hard to be disciplined and prioritize my life. I feel horrible. I keep on forgetting to complete assignments on time. I have two tests this week and one next week. I'm not even sure I can pass my chemistry and history classes. Why did I let myself get talked into taking 20 units this semester? Well, part of it was my idea. I thought if I was too busy with school then I would have no time to think about boys. That was stupid. I know now that the only way to not think about boys is going into solitude and living like a hermit. So what have I learned this semester besides that I don't ever want to take 20 units again and I don't want to take chemistry ever in my life? I learned that I just can't handle it. I learned that if a boy is on your mind then there is no way of getting him off unless you prove to yourself that it is never going to happen. (that is a confusing sentence and I think I'm the only one that understands it) I learned that it is horrible to be so busy you don't have time to do stuff.

What do I want to do next semester? Take only 12 units. I want to get involved in my church. It has really bugged me that I can't this semester. I feel like school is a burden and a trap. It is really hard for me to spend time with God. I have time for Him but I end up wasting it. I feel like.... I don't use bad language.

I feel trapped in a snare. I'm so busy with school but I want to do something for God. I want to do something at church and help with the youth group but I'm too busy. I feel awful that I'm not tithing. But I'm not working. I wish I could earn money so I could tithe. I want to do something at church besides handing out bulitons. I feel too busy to be friends with anyone. Why did I sign up for twenty units? I think it was one of the biggest mistakes I have made. I am so focused on school that I feel miserable that I'm spending more time reading my history book than the Bible.

Help! I'm drowning.

School has been keeping me busy and giving me lots of stress. I've had tons of homework. I have at least one test every week. I feel as if I am drowning in textbooks and homework. I'm frightened that I won't pass my classes or get a C. I've gotten mostly A's and B's in the past. So a C is pretty bad for me. I feel so overwhelmed.