Jesus Freak

Baby!

2011-03-25T13:23:00.001-07:00

We are going to have a baby! God has blessed us abundantly.

I'm Getting Married Tomorrow!

2011-01-14T07:17:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited about tomorrow. I love him and can't wait to profess that in front of everyone and be joined to him forever.

End of School

2010-12-13T10:52:00.000-08:00

This morning I walked over to school to get a few things done. I couldn't help thinking about the past two and a half years there. I have learned so much and grown up so much as well. And soon it will all be in my past.

I remember when I first moved here. I woke up and cried because I was far away from home. Then I made friends with my roommates and another girl. This girl and I spent a lot of time together. My legs were very sore the first few weeks because of all the stairs I was climbing. I've hardly ridden in the elevator here.

I never got involved on campus in any clubs. I attended Campus Crusade for a while but didn't really connect. I enjoyed most of my classes. There were a few that I didn't like so much for various reasons but it was a positive experience overall. There are a few classes that I'll always remember.

Aikido - I took this class my first semester. I really enjoyed being able to dabble in another martial art. I even taught a few of the techniques in the dojo during our summer camp.

Biology - I remember being able to go on all these fun field trips and lab was fun. I remember the lab when we studied all different types of fruit and then we got to eat it. I tasted my first star fruit and fresh coconut. The lectures were fascinating.

Chemistry - This was my nightmare class. I didn't like it at all. But I did have fun in lab.

Nutrition - I just really enjoy learning about nutrition.

Group Fitness - This was a fun class. The tests were really easy and we did a lot of working out and experiencing all kinds of group exercise.

Principles of Human Movement - I was told that this was the hardest class but I found it easy. It was basically a physics class.

Principles of Strength and Conditioning - My teacher used a lot of bad language but once I got past that he was a crack up. It was a hard class but interesting.

Badminton - I connected with a set of twins and had a lot of fun playing with them all semester.

Volleyball - Just a lot of fun.

Physical Dimensions of Aging - An easy, fun class that I learned a lot in. The teacher was really good at keeping us engaged and participating.

Well, that turned into several so I better stop. Let's just say that most of the time I felt like I was having fun and playing. But then mid terms or finals would roll around and I would stress out like any other college student.

One of the things that I really enjoyed was my internship this semester. I learned so much in that. I also gained experience and it was fun!

Lots of other things happened here as well. I've shed lots and lots of tears in my dorm room. I've spent lots of time reading my Bible, praying, dancing (when no one was looking) and talking to my roommates. I had to deal with being away from home, missing my family and not being with them when they were going through tough times. I had to deal with my father getting sick and almost dying. I had to struggle through tough times along with my family. I had to deal with things that I never had experienced before like intense grief, sorry, depression, despair, and loneliness.

I did a lot of growing up. God did a lot to change me and to soften my heart. I got hurt a lot but I emerged stronger. And when I least expected it God gave me such intense joy and purpose. God sent a guy into my life and we started to fall in love with each other. It was a totally new experience. I learned (slowly) to open up and share my thoughts, feelings, struggles, and joys.

Part of me is sad to be done with school and leave this place. I have made friends and have had such fun times. But the other part of me is glad. For some reason I feel like if I leave this place then I will leave all that sadness behind as well. But I know that it isn't true. I will forever carry the memories and the scars of the past. But I know that they are a gift. I will be able to show my scars to those who are wounded and tell them that there is hope and that God will bring healing. I will be able to remember what it is like to hurt so much that I felt like my heart was ripped in two. I will be able to cry along with those who are hurting and tell them that there is always hope when we have Christ.

Wow, I opened up a lot more then I was going to in this post. I don't want to leave you sad and hurting for me. I have joy in my heart because God loves me. He has demonstrated this love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Remember Christ's love.

God's Presence

2010-11-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I created this blog was to talk about my relationship with God. What He has done in my life and what He is doing. I feel like it is about time for another post.

In my relationship with God I'm the one with all the problems. If we aren't doing so well it's my fault. I have all the hurts and issues and questions and He is the constant one. I'm the one with the divided heart and the one that struggles and feels like I'm not even close. But as I think about all my problems I realize that God is bigger than all that. He looks past my failures and loves me for who I am. My issues don't keep Him away or stop Him from pursuing me. Even my sin is blotted out so nothing is between us. It is quite amazing to think about this love that is so deep and wide and long.

Lately I've been feeling like God is far away. I don't like long distance relationships. I need something close like right here beside me. I wonder why I don't feel God's presence like I used to. Maybe I'm not stilling my heart and my mind. Maybe God is choosing not to let me feel Him. Maybe what I felt before wasn't real. I don't believe the last one. It keeps on popping up in my mind though. But I know that I've felt the presence of God many times with different people at different churches. So I know that His presence is real. Maybe it's that I'm not hungry enough for God. There have been other times in my life that I've been hungry and desperate for God. I think the amazing thing is that even when I don't feel Him I know that He's here. I know that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know that no matter what He is here beside me. Sometimes that promise is not enough for me. I want to feel Him, see Him, touch Him, hear Him. But for now I must cling to the hope that one day I shall be able to do these things.

God is good. He has given me so much in this life. He has given me more blessings than I could count. Most importantly He has given me eternal life. I love Him so much. I just want to love Him with all of my heart. But how can I do that?

"Rebellion"

2010-11-01T12:04:00.000-07:00

A lot of college students enjoy their new freedom away from their parents. I was thinking about how so many of them get themselves into trouble experimenting or doing things that would really upset their parents if they found out.

I'm different. The most "out there" thing that I have done is to go into a Halloween store for the first time, actually go out and get candy at a Halloween event this year, and earlier this semester, watch Harry Potter. I've decided that my parents have done a good job brainwashing me into thinking that Halloween is a dark holiday that I should have nothing to do with. Or maybe it is a dark holiday that I shouldn't participate in. The Halloween store was creepy and I was glad to leave. I sometimes wonder why I'm so sensitive to stuff. Is Halloween just a harmless holiday or should we have nothing to do with it? Or should we just stay in the middle and say it's okay as long as we have "festivals" at our church that night and don't call it Halloween. Maybe it's okay to celebrate as long as we dress up like Bible characters and hand out tracts along with candy to all the trick or treaters.

All I know is that while watching Harry Potter is fun, for some reason when all the witches, vampires, ghosts and other characters come out on Halloween they creep me out. I feel sorry for my kids someday because I will be hiding in the house drinking tea and reading on Halloween because I'm too scared by the commotion outside. Perhaps their father will have pity on our poor costume and candy deprived kids and take them out trick or treating.

Rain...

2010-10-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

The holidays are approaching. I view my birthday as the start of the holiday season. Today is making me think of the upcoming holidays. The rain outside makes me wish for hot tea and cookies and sitting around the fireplace. These things remind me of Christmas time. I'm also listening to Christmas music which is making me think of past years and the upcoming holidays. This year is my last one as a single child still living at home. Part of me is sad knowing that the Merry Christmas's of my childhood are in the past. The other part of me is glad knowing that I will be spending the rest of my Christmas's with the love of my life. I'm really looking forward to this year as we will be spending it together along with my family. The rain makes me wish it was Christmas now. I wish that I was curled up on the couch with him and a cup of tea.

Thanksgiving is still up in the air. We were planning on going to his parents for the holiday but it looks like we won't because of finances. Man... I wish school was over.

I'm Getting Married!!!!

2010-10-18T19:53:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping another blog that is about my journey with my almost husband. It has made me neglect this blog. I thought it was about time that I post something new.

My life has changed drastically in the last eight months. I had no idea that I would meet the most amazing man, fall head over heels in love, get engaged, and then get married less than a year later. Life is good. God is good. I know that He brought us together. I never thought that I would fall in love so quickly and so deeply. But I did. I didn't think anyone would fall in love with me so quickly or so deeply. But he did. And now we are planning our wedding and spending the rest of our lives together. I'm excited about finishing school in eight weeks and then moving home. I'll be home for a month and then I'm getting married! I'm so excited for the day that I will become his wife.

Prayer Wardrobe

2010-09-13T20:50:00.000-07:00

For some reason I feel like praying when I go into small enclosed spaces. I often pray when I am in the bathroom. Tonight I was feeling really sad and like a little kid I wanted to hide away. So I climbed into one of the empty wardrobes in my dorm room. Immediately, I said a short prayer and then after sitting there for only a minute I got out because I had homework to do. But then I realized that I really did need to pray. Someone actually asked for my prayer so I left my computer and homework and climbed back into the wardrobe with my Bible, a light, a pencil, paper and tape. I taped the paper up and started writing down names and praying for people. Then I read a chapter in my Bible. I didn't feel so alone while I was in there. I'm going to try to pray in there everyday for the rest of the semester.

A New Attitude

2010-09-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

I have been really stressed out and even depressed for the past week or so. Today things are changing. I was in class and I heard exactly what I needed to hear. My professor was talking about stress and she said that what stresses people out is that they are not who they want to be. I realized that I am unsatisfied with where I am right now. I want to be closer to God, I want to trust Him fully, I want to be honest and open with my fiancee, I want to be able to forgive those who have hurt me, and I want to have more joy and fulfillment in life. I realize that I need to change my attitude. Instead of being unsatisfied, I need to be content with what I have. I want my fiancee to be here now but I have to be content with our phone calls for now. I need to have joy in whatever the circumstance and be grateful for what I do have.

There were a few other things that stood out to me and that I want to apply to my life. I need the will to continue to live in the face of challenges and to live joyfully. I need to persevere and have optimism, courage, commitment and dedication. Gratitude is very important as well as hope, faith and forgiveness. "...Forgiveness is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving."

And above all I need to put God first. That is the only way to insure that my life has meaning and a purpose. For I am nothing without Him.

Panic Attack

2010-08-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure where I'm headed with this blog post. I just felt like blogging today even though it is too early to blog about today. I need someone to talk to. I have stuff going on and have known for while that I need to see a counselor. Well... this morning I'm having another one of those freak outs. I think I may be having a panic attack. I need help...

I decided that maybe I needed to read some scripture so I opened the Daily Light to today's reading. "I have indeed seen the misery of my people." This verse stuck out to me. Here I am feeling miserable, and God has the mercy to notice me. To know that God sees me in this time brings me comfort. The verses that follow talk about Jesus carrying our infirmities and diseases, about his suffering, weeping, and distress. Knowing that our Lord went through the same things that we are going through gives me comfort. Knowing that I am the apple of his eye and that He is always watching over me brings me comfort.

I just wish I would stop freaking out about my life.

Christmas in July

2010-07-26T20:53:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago I randomly started listening to a few Christmas songs while I was on Skype with my boyfriend. We shared some of our favorites.

Tonight, I was reading and wanted to listen to some music and after browsing for a while decided to play my Christmas list. So, I'm listening to that music thinking about my favorite time of the year. I can almost smell eggnog, tea, cookies and chocolate. I can almost taste butter cookies, gingerbread, marzipan and cinnamon. I can almost see the lights and candles, the Christmas tree standing tall decorated with all the ornaments, my parents and brothers dressed up.

I picture my mother in the kitchen preparing Christmas Eve dinner. I'm setting the table with our nicest dishes, glasses, tableware and napkins. One of my brothers is walking around with the camera taking pictures. Daddy is bringing in wood and lighting a fire in the fireplace. My other brothers are helping Mama in the kitchen, opening the wine bottles, fetching the chilled drinks from the downstairs fridge. Soon everything is ready and we gather around the table, say grace and enjoy dinner. Afterward we clear the dishes, put away the leftovers, and then gather in the living room to hear the Christmas Story. I recite it from memory and then we start opening presents. They are handed out one at a time so everyone can see what each gift is and to make the present opening last longer. After the presents Mama makes tea and we sit around drinking tea, eating cookies and other sweets. We might watch a movie that someone got as a gift then go to bed after midnight. Or we might stay up building legos, playing with toys, reading, etc.

I love Christmas. Some of my happiest memories are during the Christmas season. Mama always makes it special and I want to continue this tradition when I have my own family some day.

Coughing

2010-07-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

I've been sick with a cough for the past few days. It's sorta annoying to go from hectic busy schedule to now spending the whole day at home. But I still manage to keep myself occupied. My computer keeps me busy chatting with my boyfriend, watching Hulu, blogging and facebook. I cooked dinner last night which wiped me out and then I went to bed early.

Coughing is annoying because it makes your lungs hurt, your ribs and back ache and gives you a headache and a sore throat. But you all know that because you have had coughs before. I guess I'm just being impatient today. I want to be over this sickness. I'm tired of all this.

Tomato and Beef Pasta Sauce

2010-07-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

I enjoy cooking. I don't cook very often for my family but I like to once a week. Tonight I was tired and a little sick but everyone else was busy so I browned the ground meat for dinner and threw in a few more ingredients to make this pasta sauce.

Recipe:

2 pounds ground beef
a few shakes of italian seasoning
some salt
grind some pepper over the top
1/2 red onion
~1 cup sliced mushrooms
a few splashes of red wine vinegar
a few splashes of Bragg's Liquid Aminos
1 can of tomato sauce
half a cup frozen spinach

Brown ground meat and remove fat. Add spices, onion and mushroom. Cook until onions are soft. Add red wine vinegar and Bragg's Liquid Aminos. Then add tomato sauce and spinach. Let simmer for a while. Taste and then make any modifications. Serve over any pasta you want to.

Internship

2010-07-08T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I registered for classes for next semester. I don't have an internship for next semester so I couldn't register for the internship class that I need in order to graduate. So my plan is to finish this semester and then return home to intern in the dojo next year. I will have to make a few trips down to school for my internship class during the spring semester. But this will be nice and give me an excuse to visit all my friends down there. I think this way my "last" semester is going to be less stressful. I'm already looking forward to school.

Another thing that I'm thinking about is getting a job for this fall. It would be helpful to make some money to cover car expenses and such. So, I'm thinking of places and working on applications.

Complaining

2010-06-30T21:26:00.000-07:00

This summer had the potential to be filled with fun, family, and friends. But about halfway into it I've realized that I'm too busy to hang out with friends and do all the things that I really wanted to do.

I'm spending a lot of time in the dojo teaching. I really enjoy this and it has been the only time of "socializing" this summer. And not much socializing is done in a karate class where we only talk about karate and spend most of the time working out. I spend most of the time counting techniques, correcting and encouraging students.

When I'm not in the dojo I work for my Daddy, eat, talk to my boyfriend, and sleep. I still haven't had time to unpack and put all my dorm stuff away. I haven't had time to clean my room or my car. I don't have time to go to the beach, or the park, or even go for a walk. I don't have the time or energy to exercise. I don't have the time to work on my book or write more poetry.

But that's enough complaining. Life is pretty awesome when I stop to think about God and everything that he has done for me

Angel

2010-06-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

Most people have a pet sometime in their life. All of these pets die sooner or later. We understand that death is a part of life. I've had few pets and Angel was the one that I had the longest. I never had the experience of my pet dying until today. I cried a lot. I cried more than when my brother's dog died. Angel was the sweetest bird that I have ever seen. She was pretty and soft. She only bit me once and that was when I startled her. This morning I had to bury her years before I thought I would. I will always remember her.

Love Has Come For Us All

2010-06-02T14:56:00.000-07:00

“Love Has Come” – Mark Schultz

Well, I know this life is filled with sorrow
And there are days when the pain just lasts and lasts
But I know there will come a day
When all our tears are washed away with a break in the clouds
His glory coming down and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

For anybody who has ever lost a loved one
And you feel like you had to let go too soon
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But don’t you know it’s just a matter of time till the tears are gonna end
You’ll see them once again and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Oh, and on that day we will stand amazed
At our Savior, God and King
Just to see the face of amazing grace
As our hearts rise up and sing

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory, hallelujah
Christ has paid the cost

Glory, glory, hallelujah
Thank You for the cross
Singing glory, glory
Christ has paid the cost

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

Love has come for us all
Love has come for us all

And every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
God is love and love has come for us all

Summer 2010

2010-05-20T20:38:00.001-07:00

Today was the last day of my finals. I am done with school for now. Only one more semester left until graduation. I'm looking forward to summer even though it means saying goodbye to the boyfriend for a little while. I have all sorts of exciting plans for the summer which might be busier than the school year.

What I'm doing this summer:

- Five weeks of karate camp in the dojo. Some weeks will just be one hour each day and other weeks will be four and a half hours.

- A little over a week long camping trip in Northern CA with some of my family.

- A trip to Texas for the USKA World Championships.

- Teaching karate five days a week in the afternoon for the whole summer minus the camping trip and Worlds trip time.

- Bonfires and hanging out with friends on the weekends.

- At least one or two weekend trips to visit relations.

I think that basically fills up my summer.

A More Loving Heart

2010-05-11T11:24:00.000-07:00

A much loved man went home to heaven last night. He touched the hearts of many people. My friends are grieved over his death. My regret is that I did not open my heart out to him and get to know him and his wonderful wife. My heart aches for my friends and those I know in the community. I feel like I missed out on knowing yet another person. But I know that one day I will go to heaven and meet all the people who I wished I knew on earth and all my loved ones as well.

My hope is that I would be able to follow in the example of my friend who opens her heart to all people that she encounters. I want to be like her. I pray that God will give me a more loving heart.

Zeke

2010-05-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

I don't care for dogs that much. I don't like it when dogs jump on me and leave dirt, mud, and hair all over me. I don't like it when dogs jump on me and scratch me or slobber all over me. Above all I don't like it when dogs lick me in the face. But there was one dog that didn't do all these things. He was a great dog and I thought that he redeemed all other dogs by his good behavior. His one fault was that he would run off. Sometimes it was for a short time and other times it was for hours. This fault led to disaster. This past weekend Zeke ran off and when he came back we could tell that something was wrong. He threw up that night and several times the next morning. We took him to the vet and they wanted to pump him full of IV fluids and give him an antibiotic and pain killer. He had a fever and was in pain. We thought he may have eaten some poison but we will never know. The vet kept him overnight and Zeke died Sunday morning. He was a great dog and I will always remember him. He celebrated two Christmas's with us and was a part of the family. Every evening he was allowed to come into the house and hang out with us while we watched TV and spent time together as a family. He earned a special place in the family and will be sorely missed.

"All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."

2010-05-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

I was recently pondering over this concept. I realized that I always fall short. Sometimes I fall shorter than other times. I find myself not loving God with everything I am. I don't live to my full potential and sometimes I fail altogether. But the blessed thing is that God's grace covers all my shortcomings.

A relationship works both ways. You have to meet half way. This is the same with my relationship with God. It works both ways. But the difference is that He makes up for my falling short. Sometimes He meets me half way but more often He meets me more than half way. If my salvation or even my relationship depended on my ability to love God and follow Him then I would be lost. Thanks be to God who makes up the difference that I lack.

Leaving the Nest

2010-05-03T10:04:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I released my butterfly. My boyfriend and I along with friends released our butterflies together. It was a beautiful thing to hold Tiny on my finger before she took off into the big blue sky. I'm glad that she is free and happy but I miss seeing her pretty self when I sit at my desk.

A New Butterfly

2010-04-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

Tiny came out of her chrysalis today. She is absolutely beautiful. Metamorphosis is such an amazing miracle. It shows how God has the power to change anything that He wishes. He can take something ordinary like a caterpillar and turn it into something extraordinary. I didn't get to see her emerge from her chrysalis but I still feel like I got to witness a miracle. God has given Tiny a new beginning.

The day is beautiful but not just because of Tiny. I have been nauseous and my stomach has been bothering me for over a month. This last weekend I went to the emergency room because I started throwing up. I was getting really discouraged and wondered if I would ever be able to enjoy food instead of eating it tentatively expecting to get sick from it. My boyfriend and another friend took care of me. I was not alone because I had them and God with me. Family and friends prayed for me and today I'm feeling better than I have for over a week. God is bringing healing to my body. I'm not back to normal but I know that if I take care of myself I will continue on this road to good health. So today is not just a new beginning for Tiny but it is a new beginning for me.

Butterflies

2010-04-21T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last week my boyfriend gave me a small painted lady caterpillar. (I decided that it was a girl.) When I first looked at her I couldn't come up with a name. I knew that she had great potential even though she was just a tiny caterpillar. Some day she will be a beautiful butterfly. I decided to name her Tiny. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was amazing to think that such a little thing that crawls around could become a beautiful butterfly with wings. Over the past week I have watched Tiny grow and grow until she became a big caterpillar. As I watched her grow I thought about metamorphosis (the process of changing into a butterfly.)

There are two times in my life that I went through a sort of metamorphosis. The first was when I was born. Before I was born my mother couldn't see me but she knew that she had a beautiful baby growing inside of her. She had no idea what I would look like but knew that God had amazing plans for me some day. My mother knew that I had great potential. The second time was when I accepted Christ as my Saviour. The old self is gone and the new self is come. The caterpillar in me died and the butterfly was born. I think the butterfly is an amazing illustration of being born again. We are still the same person but different at the same time. It is not until we are born again that we can reach our full potential.

There is a third metamorphosis that is still to come. When I die (or Christ comes back and calls me home) I will be given a new body. This resurrection body is going to be beautiful and amazing. I'm not sure what I will look like but I do know that it is still going to be me. I know that I have not reached my full potential. I know that God has amazing plans for me in this life but He also has great plans for the next life.

Yesterday, Tiny made her chrysalis. She is going through the changing process. I'm looking forward to seeing my little baby come out totally changed into a new creation. I can't wait to see her flutter her wings and fly away when I release her. It is a beautiful thing to look forward to. But I'm also enjoying every moment of the process. Every stage of her life is beautiful to me.

Self Consciousness

2010-04-09T15:09:00.000-07:00

This thing called self consciousness is interesting. It keeps people from doing and saying things. When I was younger I was way more self conscious than I am now. The one thing that I regret is that it kept me from enjoying myself at times. I am still self conscious to a degree but I don't care what others think as much as a used to. I do care about their feelings because I don't want to hurt them. But sometimes you end up hurting people more by staying silent or refusing to do something that you think is goofy, childish or just plain crazy. I think it is more important to be yourself. When you are yourself people can see that you are not perfect and they appreciate who you are. I consider my best friends to be the ones that I am comfortable being myself around them. The friends who I can act crazy with. My best friends are the ones who I don't have to worry about them getting upset over something careless that I said or did. They understand that my intentions toward them are good.

My challenge to you is this: let down your guard and have fun.

Step By Step

2010-04-07T18:02:00.000-07:00

In October 2008 I posted this

http://miriamthemouse.blogspot.com/2008/10/jesus-freak.html

I also changed my about me blurb to "I am a young woman who is crazy in love with Jesus and willing to follow Him anywhere."

I have been dwelling on this recently. My one desire is to do the will of God. If God wants me to go I will go and if God wants me to stay then I will stay. I think that I have finally come to the point where I am ready to go wherever he leads. But I struggle with not knowing where I am headed. It is as if I can only see a few steps ahead. I know that I am on the right path but I can't see into the future. I have no idea how my life is going to change. It is hard to have faith that God will continue to show me the way. I guess I'm just frightened that one day I will be at a place with roads heading off in many different directions and will not know which one to chose. I'm afraid that I will be left stranded in a helpless state not knowing where to go.

So I have to remind myself that God will never leave me. I have to remind myself that God is going to show the way. I just have to take life one step of faith at a time while trusting that God will lead me. It's scary not to see ahead but I have the confidence that God will keep holding my hand throughout the journey.

He Has Restored Unto Me The Joy of His Salvation

2010-03-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking back to a year ago and realized how far God has brought me. God was there with me during that time of pain and sorrow when I thought I was going to lose my Daddy. God was there when no one else could comfort me. God was there through the heartache and the pain. God was there drawing me back to His heart. In this past year God has been healing my heart from the sin and sorrow and making me new. It is amazing grace that has brought me to the place that I am now.

God has torn down walls in my life and given me the greatest grace and love. He has restored unto me the joy of His salvation and granted me a willing heart. God has given me a heart of greater love, forgiveness, and compassion. He has given me new friends that care about me and encourage me. I know that I will always have the scars to remind me of the past. But I am thankful of them because they remind me of how great my God is.

You may be going through a difficult time right now. I want to encourage you to press on and keep going. Let God bring you out of whatever you may be going through. He will not disappoint you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On a Hill Stood a Cross

2010-03-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

I often visit my grandparents on the weekends. On the drive to their house I go past this bare hill with a cross on it. During the night it is lit up with white lights. In the middle of a secular world there is this cross, reminding me of Jesus and the redemption story. It means a lot to me and I never miss it. Sometimes it is little things that help us to shift our focus back on Christ.

Living Wholeheartedly

2010-02-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

Three weeks ago I made a commitment to to God to follow Him 100% again. I don't know why my life has so many ups and downs but right now I am on a up and hope to be so forever. God is giving me strength to live a life of greater purity. It is difficult but God is strong and I rely on Him not myself. The past three weeks have not been perfect, they are not without difficulty, but they have been weeks of freedom.

Give Me a Pure Heart

2010-01-10T13:47:00.000-08:00

Give Us Clean Hands by Chris Tomlin

We bow our hearts
We bend our knees
Oh Spirit come make us humble
We turn our eyes
From evil things
Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh give us clean hands
and give us pure hearts
Let us not lift our souls to another
Oh God let this be
a generation that seeks
that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob
Oh God let us be
a generation that seeks
that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

I can remember first singing this song at a youth conference that I went to. It really spoke to me then and this morning it convicted me. I would be a hypocrite if I let you think that this song describes me. It actually describes the opposite. I am prideful, looking at evil things and worshipping idols. I am not seeking after God. It makes me feel terrible to say it but one thing that I decided to do last year is to tell the truth more. If I lied and said that everything was peachy keen with me it wouldn't help me at all and would probably make you feel terrible because you are struggling with these things as well.

I want this song to describe me. I want to be humble before God and I want to turn my eyes away from the evil things around me. I want to turn my thoughts toward God. I want to be the generation that seeks after God. I want to have clean hands and a pure heart. Someone once told me last year that I had a pure heart and I wanted to tell them that I didn't. My heart it as bad as the person next to me. But if I want to seek after God isn't that seeking? I guess my hearts in the right place. I understand that I have a need for more of God in my life.

The truth of the matter is that I would be lower than dirt if it wasn't for the grace, forgiveness, and love of the Father who picked me up from the mud and raised me from my life of death. If it wasn't for the wonderful amazing grace of God I would still be dirtier than dirt. If it wasn't for the cleansing blood of Jesus then my heart would still be as black as coal. But God has saved me and raised me and made me whole. Jesus has cleansed me and now I am white as pure snow. It is amazing to think of the grace of God. I don't understand how I can be dirty yet clean. I just can't get my little brain around the awesomeness of God. But I suppose that is a good thing.

New Year's Resolutions 2010

2010-01-01T16:40:00.000-08:00

-know God more
-graduate with at least a 3.5 GPA (in December)
-make candles this summer
-write more

Summary of 2009

2009-12-30T20:34:00.000-08:00

I thought it would be interesting to read through this year's blog posts as I think over this past year. I'm going to be summarizing some of the posts that really stand out.

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ?

If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?

Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying
I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically.

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself.

3. God turned His back on Him.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.

My Hope Is In Christ Jesus
For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and he will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying.

I've been struggling a lot with my old sins. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.

Those Who Hope in The Lord
This post is a follow up on My Hope Is In Christ Jesus.

My Daddy had his surgery last week. It went very well.

I've been a little more motivated to study.

I've found new strength in God to resist the devil. I have been spending more time with God. Not formal sit down and read/pray time but informal walking around and talking time.

About all that stuff I can't talk about. I still can't talk about it. But I have brought it to God and given it up to Him. I have been calling on Him daily to help me through this time in my life. It is a hard time for me. But God is good.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Do You Love Your Church More Than God?

Well last night during church this question came into my head. Do I love my church more than God? If I felt like my church was doing something irreverent would I leave? Or would I stay because I love the people. Do I love God more than the people? This is a easy question because I know the right one. I love God more. But this is a hard question because do I really love Him more?

The final question that I am asking myself is: Do I love God enough to leave my church? The answer is yes! A few months ago God had me surrendering my family to Him and I can definitely give my church up to Him. The only thing left to do is to pray. I need to pray that God will reveal His will to me and let me know what He wants me to do.

Whatever You're Doing...
It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender...

My Daddy
My Daddy is one of the greatest men that I know. He is a very strong man with great principles. He is a man of integrity and honor. My Daddy is faithful and loving. He is a humble man. I admire him greatly because of his character.

He was very sick this year. The lessons that I learned from him during his time of sickness are valuable.

I learned that my Daddy:

1. Receives his strength from God.
2. Has the greatest work ethic that I have heard about.
3. Loves me.

I think my Daddy is the best Daddy in the world! I am so glad that he is better now. God has healed him from his sickness and has given him new strength.

Not of This World
"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I'm from some planet far far away."

I'm not of this world. This world is not my home, heaven is. Because I have stored treasures up in heaven, that is where my heart and my home is. But sometimes it is easy to forget where I belong and start acting like I belong in this world. And that is when I get myself into trouble.

Remember that God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God will live forever.

Oh well...

2009-12-26T11:45:00.000-08:00

What I wanted to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

I believe that I listened to God but I didn't always do His will. I didn't read through the entire Bible. I did talk about Jesus but I didn't do much witnessing. I believe that I do know God more. I know more about His grace, love and forgiveness. I think my GPA dropped below 3.5 after this last semester but I don't know for sure until I get all my grades back. I ended up leaving my church. I wrote more poetry/songs but didn't write more of my book. I may seem like a failure but God's grace is way bigger than me.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T09:43:00.001-08:00

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Well, the semester is over...

2009-12-18T10:31:00.000-08:00

This last semester was an interesting one. For some reason I didn't care much about my grades. But I realized at the end of the semester that it was a really fun one. I learned a lot that applied to my life. I had some great professors who were amazing teachers. I'm looking forward to the next semester. I hope to meet new people and make new friends as well as learning more about the most fascinating organism on the earth, the human.

Not of This World

2009-12-15T16:32:00.000-08:00

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and I'm from some planet far far away."

I like to say this to be funny and explain why I just don't get certain cultural things. Being an alien explains why I don't know anything about sports or music or popular people. I don't always understand why people think the way that they do or act the way that they do.

But as I was thinking about this I realized that I am correct. I'm not of this world. This world is not my home, heaven is. Because I have stored treasures up in heaven, that is where my heart and my home is. But sometimes it is easy to forget where I belong and start acting like I belong in this world. And that is when I get myself into trouble.

Remember that God calls us to live in the world but not to be of the world. The world and its desires pass away but the man who does the will of God will live forever. Amen!

Frying Pan

2009-12-14T08:46:00.000-08:00

I am the proud owner of a new frying pan. I never thought I'd get this excited about a pan.

Yesterday, my roommate and I were shopping and realized that we were limited on foods because we each had only a small pot. So we looked at frying pans and found a cheap one. I decided to buy it on a whim. I thought about it quickly and realized that it would be a useful thing to buy. After I bought my frying pan, I got so excited. I don't fully understand why.

I also find it interesting that I wear Teflon on my lenses and now have a Teflon coating on my pan.

The Joy of Music

2009-12-05T21:57:00.000-08:00

Earlier this evening I went to a Christmas music program at Hope. It reminded me of the joy that comes from music and worship. It made me thing back. I feel like my worship is not like it was. Just last year I was dancing in worship at my old church. I miss that now. I miss the abandonment and freedom. I miss giving my whole heart and soul. I miss the experience and the celebration.

Something has to change in my life. I need to devote myself to worship. I want to abandon myself and with freedom go crazy for God but something is holding me back. I wish I could experience that joy again.

I'm Here Again

2009-12-04T12:33:00.000-08:00

I think it started yesterday when I looked at a picture of a friend on facebook who is pregnant. It started to pull a feeling out of the depths of my heart, a yearning that has always been there. It made me realize how single I am and how far away from marriage that I feel. I suppose most women have a natural desire to have babies. But for me it seems like the desire won't be fulfilled for a long time.

So for now I just wait with an ache in my heart. I wait for the part of my life that is missing, the part that wants to be filled.

Finals are approaching

2009-12-04T12:29:00.000-08:00

I have this project due for my sport psychology class. It consists of five videos and five papers explaining about concepts and how the videos relate to them. It is due on Monday. After I finish, I can focus on my finals. I have my finals for the one unit classes next week and the rest of my finals are the week after.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-15T07:46:00.000-08:00

I know that it is still over a week before Thanksgiving but I am already in the mood. I though that I would take some time this morning before I headed off to church to make a list.

What I am Thankful for:

-God
-Family
-Christian parents
-Christian grandparents
-Cute little cousins
-Amazing Aunts
-Friends
-House Church
-My Grandparent's church
-My roommate Chauntel
-Isaac getting engaged to Camille
-Daddy getting better after his surgery
-Healing
-Love
-Forgiveness
-Grace
-Mercy
-A car
-The opportunity to go to college
-My new fridge
-Life in general
-Food

I guess you could just say that I am thankful for everything. I hope you all have a pleasant Thanksgiving Day with family and friends this year.

I Run On

2009-11-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

There has been so much going on in my life lately. I have just finished the last of my tests. I don't have any more tests until finals. I am registered for classes next semester as well as for intersession. I can see the end of school not that far ahead. I will be done next year in December.

God is amazing. He has promised to complete the work that He began. I had a breakdown and time of repentance last Saturday. I can honestly say that I feel different. I gave a lot up to God but it is freeing. I am almost scared that I'll take it all back but I am clinging on to God and He will give me the strength.

I am running on toward the goal.

22

2009-10-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

My birthday is almost over. I thought I would take some time to think over the past year.

Last year I spent my birthday in Fullerton. I refused to go home because I wanted to go to my church on my birthday. So my family came down and went to church with me and then we all went out to eat at Souplantation. I regret doing that. I should have just went home like my family wanted me to.

I got really involved in my church. It became sort of like an addiction. I didn't want to miss church at all. By the end of spring I realized that it was time to move on from that church.

Last spring was really tough for me as you know from my previous posts. My father was really sick and we almost lost him. My family was going through a rough time and is still pulling through it. I was going through a lot of depression and searching for answers to some of life's toughest questions.

My summer was really weird. I lived like a hermit. I spent my days at the dojo and with my family.

I learned a lot this past year. I went through a lot of pain and sorrow. But I have a feeling that this next year is going to be full of joy.

I'm not going to write down everything that I learned. But the two most important things that I learned is that God is so amazing that I can't begin to put it into words and that family is the second most important thing in my life.

He Protected Me

2009-10-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have spent a lot of time this year thinking about my childhood. I am thankful that God protected me throughout my childhood. God gave me a strong will but He also gave me parents who "trained me up in the way I should go." God's protection and the strong will that He gave me kept me safe many times.

During my childhood...

- I never broke a bone. I never got stitches or was seriously injured.

- God gave me the strength to say no to things that would have really hurt me.

- I had parents that loved each other. I never had to worry about them separating or getting a divorce.

- I had good examples and learned from them. I also learned not to repeat other people's mistakes.

- God kept boys away from me. I didn't have to deal with boyfriends and breakups and the pain and regret from those relationships.

- God gave me good health and a strong body.

I had so many things in my childhood that other people missed out on. This year I have learned to thank God instead of taking it all for granted.

Resist the Devil...

2009-09-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

Too often I have lived my life on the edge. I have been straddling the fence, trying to please God while living for myself. Living for God is hard. But when we live for ourselves we find pain and sorrow.

I can't live like this anymore. Resisting the devil may seem easy. But its not because he gets inside your head. He tells you lies everyday trying to drag you down. But the voice of truth is louder. When we hear the voice of truth but do not listen we are disobeying God. But when we listen we please God. It is difficult but it is what God expects of us.

I'm going to flee more. Instead of letting the devil get to me I'm just going to run. It is easy to run physically but it is harder to run mentally. When my mind is not dwelling on pure things it is hard to bring it back to Godly things. But I must strive towards holiness. I don't care what happens, I must flee. O help me God!

Family

2009-09-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

I believe that family is important. My family is very close. We are each others best friends. That is how it has been since my brothers and I were tiny kids. This year has challenged that friendship between us. We have had to deal with stuff and issues that I never thought we would. Like my father getting sick and almost dying.

But these things only brought our family closer together. Yes we still have our issues. No we are not perfect. But we love each other with with a loyalty that is hard to find. I'm proud to be a part of my family.

This closeness is something that I want to replicate in the family that I will start someday with some man. I want to carry on my family tradition of friendship and loyalty.

Personal Fitness

2009-09-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

I have wanted to increase my physical fitness for quite a while. I think this is the semester that is going to make a big difference in my life.

My weekly physical activity schedule:

Monday: Beginning Swimming class
Tuesday: Beginning Gymnastics class, Group Exercise class
Wednesday: Beginning Swimming class
Thursday: Beginning Gymnastics class
Some Saturdays: Sparring class

I want start a strength training workout in a week or so. I am going to start a push-up and sit-up regime. My goal is to be doing fifty push-ups in one minuet and fifty sit-ups in one minuet by the end of the semester.

As Life Speeds By

2009-09-02T15:42:00.000-07:00

I had a few extra minuets today after breakfast. So I decided to try something. I walked to my class very slowly. I usually walk faster than most people but this morning I walked slower than everyone else. Slowly, putting one foot in front of the other, I walked to school. I spent my time praying and taking in my surroundings. It was as if I was in a different time zone than everyone around me. The world seemed to be whizzing by. It was a very calming and meditative experience. You should try it sometime.

My Daddy

2009-08-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

My Daddy is one of the greatest men that I know. He is a very strong man with great principles. He is a man of integrity and honor. My Daddy is faithful and loving. He is a humble man. I admire him greatly because of his character.

He was very sick this year. The lessons that I learned from him during his time of sickness are valuable.

I learned that my Daddy:

1. Receives his strength from God. He spent countless hours reading God's Word and praying during the nights that he couldn't sleep. When he was at his sickest he was spiritually strong.

2. Has the greatest work ethic that I have heard about. He didn't let his sickness keep him from going to the office and working. When he couldn't go to the office he spent time with his kids and wife. My family grew stronger together during the time of his sickness.

3. Loves me. I knew that he loved me but when he was sick he kept on telling me how much he loves me.

I think my Daddy is the best Daddy in the world! I am so glad that he is better now. God has healed him from his sickness and has given him new strength.

Whatever You're Doing...

2009-08-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time to make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow Your will
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life something Heavenly
Something Heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

Sanctus Real

Almost back to school...

2009-08-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

I made big plans for the summer and only accomplished some of the things that I had set out to.

1. I didn't spend that much time worshiping God. I wanted to but it didn't happen. I was caught up in the busy days and sadly did not go up to the mountains like I wanted to. I don't feel like my relationship with God is any closer. Instead, I am more aware of my own sins.

2. I started to read Practicing The Presence of God but didn't get very far. I don't know why I can't seem to finish books anymore.

3. I did spend time with my family. My Daddy and I went out to dinner at the beginning of the summer. We had a great time together. This was a family summer.

4. I did lose some fat but I don't know about the muscle. LOL My eating habits were good about half the summer and bad the other half.

5. I trained kata. Not as much as I wanted to. But I did.

6. I managed to organize my room. I even got bins that fit under my bed to put clothes in.

I spent a lot of time in the dojo. I taught six weeks of summer camp. I also taught every afternoon that the dojo was open. I worked out and practiced my kata. I'm going to miss the dojo when I go back to school.

Forgiveness

2009-07-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

Do we have to forgive those who have never asked for our forgiveness? If they refuse to apologize, are we still supposed to forgive?

Please post your answers.

Awards: Merit based or not.

2009-06-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

One of my pet peeves when teaching karate is when parents expect me to give every kid an award. I don't believe in giving awards that are not merit based. For example, when I give a kid a stripe it is because he earned it by learning a certain technique(s) and demonstrating it with skill. I like to give prizes such as Student of the Day to the most well behaved, enthusiastic, hardest working, or most improved kid. I like to award stickers for kids who put forth above average effort or excel in a certain area. I believe that the kids who don't earn the award should try harder next time. An important lesson that kids have to learn is that they cannot win all the time. But some parents would rather keep their kids from ever losing because they see it as a horrible thing. But losing is not a bad thing. People can learn a lot from their failures. Sometimes the kids that benefit the most from competition are the ones that lose. They end up working hard and achieving far more than the kid who wins.

As I told my brother, I don't want to run a communistic dojo where kids get the same award whether they try their best or not. Instead, I want to run a dojo where kids are rewarded for their hard work and diligence.

Healing

2009-06-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

Isaiah 53:5 "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

I have heard people quote this verse many times and tell me that we are healed from all ailments and injuries. I have heard someone say that God healed us 2000 years ago when He died on that cross. I have seen people take that verse and and tell me that I am healed of scoliosis (curvature of the spine). That Isaiah 53:5 is a promise that God will heal sickness and disease.

But I think a lot of people miss the whole point of the verse. He was wounded because we sinned. We are healed from death, sin, and destruction. Our hearts are healed when He removes our heart of stone and gives us a heart of flesh. This healing is a lot more appealing to me.

Last year I spent a lot of time praying that God would straighten my spine. But He has chosen not to. I realized that my focus was off. I don't want to gain a straight spine yet lose much more. Instead of praying for my back I started to pray that God would change my heart. I asked God to heal my heart of all the hurt and sin. I found out that the more important thing was my soul and my relationship with Christ. I am only going to use this body for a few more decades, but I will have my soul for eternity. Christ is the only thing that matters.

My neck has been sore for the past couple of weeks. Sometimes it is quite painful and stiff. I know that God has created my body to heal itself and that He is helping me through the pain. But I would be willing to suffer this neck pain for the rest of my life if it would bring me closer to Christ.

My prayer is not that all sickness gets wiped from the face of this earth. My prayer is that all people might come to know Christ and experience His love. My prayer is that people would repent. My prayer is that people would forgive each other. My prayer is that my brothers and sisters in Christ would be free from sin. My prayer is that Christ's body would be united.

One thing that I have learned this year is that heartache is far worse than any pain that I have experienced.

May God bring healing to your heart, soul, and body.

I'm Done With Finals!

2009-05-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

After a tough semester I'm finally done. It is amazing to see how God led me through this year so far. He deserves all the glory. I actually finished my classes this semester.

I have big plans for this summer. I just decided that I am going to call this the summer of worship. One of my goals is to read the Old Testament this summer. I don't want to waste this summer. I want to learn more about God and develop a deeper relationship with Him. I want to seek His will over some things in my life so I know that I will be praying this summer too!. I want my relationship with God to be based on Him and not on my church. What I mean by this is that I want to worship God this summer on my own. I want to develop a personal time spent with God only. I want to worship on the beach, in the park, walking the streets, and maybe up in the hills. I want to sing my own song and dance my own dance and pray my own prayer.

I ask that God will keep me from falling. Falling hurts.

I want to read Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence.

I also want to spend time with my wonderful family. I want to spend time with my Daddy.

I have a few other goals that aren't as important like:

-Losing a few pounds of fat
-Gaining some more muscle
-Training kata (karate)
-Eating healthier than I have been
-Organizing my room

Most of the summer is going to be spent in the dojo. I'm looking forward to teaching and learning.

Do You Love Your Church More Than God?

2009-05-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

I often get revelations during church service. One time I was thinking about how much my Daddy loves me. Even when I was bad and he spanked me as a child, he still loved me. He loves me despite knowing all my faults and failures. My Daddy loves me. Then I realized that if my Daddy (who is imperfect) could love me like that, then how much more my Heavenly Father (who is perfect) loves me. When I sin God is grieved but He still loves me. Maybe that is why He grieves so much. If you didn't love someone you wouldn't care about them or if they sinned or not.

Well last night during church this question came into my head. Do I love my church more than God? If I felt like my church was doing something irreverent would I leave? Or would I stay because I love the people. Do I love God more than the people? This is a easy question because I know the right one. I love God more. But this is a hard question because do I really love Him more?

The final question that I am asking myself is: Do I love God enough to leave my church? The answer is yes! A few months ago God had me surrendering my family to Him and I can definitely give my church up to Him. The only thing left to do is to pray. I need to pray that God will reveal His will to me and let me know what He wants me to do.

I can't believe that I am posting this...maybe so you can pray for me.

Zzyzx

2009-05-09T17:20:00.000-07:00

I spent yesterday evening until after noon today at Zzyzx for a biology field trip. It was hot there. Really hot. The heat made some people really grumpy. Still others were upset that they had to go on this field trip. I enjoyed the field trip despite the hundred degree temperature. I found the desert to be a beautiful place full of life. I wondered why I found it enjoyable and so beautiful. Then I realized that I was in love with the Creator of the desert which made it beautiful in my eyes. It is my love for God that makes me appreciative for what He has made whether it be desert or ocean, puppy or bug, rocks or plants, cold or hot. I look at nature and say "wow my God is good!"

The Father's Song

2009-05-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

This song makes me cry every time I sing it. It is so beautiful to know that God loves us so much. "The King of love has sent for me." Wow!

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart

Heaven's perfect melody
The Creator's symphony
You are singing over me
The Father's song
Heaven's perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Father's song

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongues
But there is one
That sounds above them all
[Sounds above them all]

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart

It's Heaven's perfect mystery
The king of love has sent for me
And now you're singing over me
The Father's song

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart
[It's written on my heart]

The Father's song
The Father's love
You sung it over me and for eternity
It's written on my heart
It's written on my heart
You sing it over me
Father

"Go away and never come back!"

2009-04-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

This year I have realized that it is so important to not let the devil get a foothold in your life. Too many people leave the doors of their heart wide open and the devil is able to wreak havoc in their lives. Once he gets his foot in the door it is hard to remove it.

This year I have purposed that I will remove the foot of the devil and then shut and bar the door. I encourage you to do the same. It is hard to give up habitual sins but God gives us the grace to do so. We must "spring clean" our hearts and ask God to remove anything that is unclean. God is holy and He has called us to be holy.

Once the devil's foothold is gone and the sin is gone from your life, you must guard your heart and close the door so he can't return.

Live a life set apart. Live a life of holiness. Live for Christ.

Those Who Hope in The Lord

2009-04-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

This post is a follow up on My Hope Is In Christ Jesus.

My Daddy had his surgery last week. It went very well and he was recovering fast so they released him from the hospital on Saturday. My parents came straight home (the hospital was a three hour drive from home) and arrived in the early afternoon. I had arrived home on Friday and was happy that I could spend more time with my parents. We had a good Easter together with my younger brothers. We read through and talked about the book of Galatians and then had a wonderful dinner.

I've been a little more motivated to study. The end of the semester is in sight and so is the end of my formal learning. When I was home on spring break I decided not to go to chiropractic school. It was making me stress more and I wasn't even sure I wanted to be a chiropractor. Being home made me realize how wonderful it is to have a family and a home. It also made me realize how much I enjoy teaching karate. Karate is my passion. I could be a wonderful chiropractor but I could also do anything else that I set my mind to. This decision has taken a load off of me.

I've found new strength in God to resist the devil. I have been spending more time with God. Not formal sit down and read/pray time but informal walking around and talking time. I am happier spending more time dwelling on the goodness of God.

About all that stuff I can't talk about. I still can't talk about it. But I have brought it to God and given it up to Him. I have been calling on Him daily to help me through this time in my life. It is a hard time for me. But God is good.

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Daddy's Surgery

2009-04-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

My Daddy had surgery today. He had a tumor on his pituitary gland which the surgeon removed this morning. The surgery went well and my Daddy is recovering quite nicely. Hopefully he will be released from the hospital on Saturday.

Old Fashioned

2009-04-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

I describe myself as an old fashioned person. I sometimes find myself realizing that I am more old fashioned than I thought previously. A lot of people do not understand what this means so I'm going to make a list of my old fashioned beliefs.

1. I believe in God. I believe that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow which means that the old testament is relevant today.

2. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.

3. I believe in saving sex for marriage and saving lots of other things for marriage also.

4. Dressing modestly is important. I think dressing modestly is another way to save more for my husband.

5. Purity is important. One of the greatest gifts that my mother gave me was sheltering me from evil things when I was a child.

6. Family is more important than anything else except for God.

7. Guys should do the pursuing in a relationship. They should be gentlemen and treat ladies with respect. I will not ask a guy out or ask him to marry me.

8. Women should act like ladies. No cussing or inappropriate talk. They should act decently and modestly. Women should honer their father and husband.

9. I think men should be the breadwinners and women the homemakers. This does not mean that I disagree with women getting jobs or men doing housework. But if a man is able to he should provide for his family.

10. Children should be conceived and born after marriage. It is wrong for single women to adopt. Children need both a mother and a father.

11. Women shouldn't ever fight in wars unless the war comes to them.

12. I think addressing people by title and last name is good. I look forward to going by Mrs._________ when I get married. I think children should address their elders as Mr. and Mrs./Ms.

There Is Hope

2009-03-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

There is hope in every sunset
For it signals the end of the day
And all the pain in it

There is hope in every sunrise
For it signals the start of a new day
And a new beginning for me.

There is hope because He lives
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
And I can face anything

There is hope because Jesus
Is coming soon to take away
All of the pain of this life

There is hope because Jesus
Will make all things new

There is always hope

My Hope Is In Christ Jesus

2009-03-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

For some reason I've decided to share my heart today.

I've been having a rough time this semester. My Daddy's been sick since September last year and it is only now that the doctors have realized what is wrong. His hormone levels are low and the problem is being caused by a cyst on his pituitary gland. He will have to get surgery.

It has been hard to focus on studying. I seem to get distracted by everything going on around me and I lack motivation. Even getting C's on my tests aren't motivating me enough to study more. But my bad test scores are making me feel bad like I'm a loser. I didn't realize how important it was for my pride to get good grades.

I've been struggling a lot also. It seems like my old sins are taking control again. I waste a lot of time also. I've also been struggling with lack of passion for God. I want more of Him but I don't feel that same passion as before.

Then there is all the stuff that I can't talk about. I think that stuff is burdening me more that anything else. I can't talk about it because it is stuff that people have sworn me to secrecy about. Some of it gives me heartache while some of it just burdens me.

This last week I thought to myself that if God didn't exist I would kill myself. (No, I'm not in danger of suicide). If you believe that there is a God than you don't have to worry about me. But I'm sharing this because that is how hopeless this world is without Jesus. If there was no God or Jesus then this would be a hopeless world. But God does exist and not only that He loves us.

God is bringing me through all the pain and hurt. He is my only hope. When all other hope is lost I can still look to God and know that there will be better days ahead. God is the only thing worth living for. I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job living for God but His grace covers over a multitude of sins. Jesus is not only life, He is my life. In Him I live and move and have my being.

Jesus Did Way More Than Just Dying

2009-03-08T11:35:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of the crucifixion of my Lord this morning. We all know that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. But I want us all to ponder what He really did.

1. He died physically. This was a very painful experience. He got whipped until there was no skin on His back and a crown of long thorns was stuck onto His head. He then had a nail driven through His feet and each hand. Then if that was not bad enough, He was lifted up to hang by those nails. That is more pain than most people have experienced. But during Jesus' time many people died this way. What makes Jesus' death different than others?

2. He took the sins of the world upon Himself. He didn't just die for our sins. He became sin for us. Hanging on that cross Jesus was a murderer, liar, rapist, cheater, thief, and every sin that we could possibly think of.

3. God turned His back on Him. Never has there been a human on earth that God has turned away from. Christ called out in anguish. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" This was the worst thing you can imagine. It was hell.

Jesus didn't just die on the cross, He did way more. Next time you think of the cross think about what Jesus did for you and for me.

I'm going to post scripture references up here to support my points.

God Use Me

2009-02-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

I have been saying this for the last couple months. I have been asking for God to use me on my campus to spread the good news. Yesterday I realized that God has been giving me opportunities to serve Him. He has given me opportunities to be used by Him. Sarah has asked me to serve in children's ministry, Jeff has asked me to be an usher, Joseph has asked me to be a part of the newcomer's welcome ministry, and just yesterday Daniel was asking me to be a part of the after school program that he is starting and to teach karate there. I am an usher and a welcome person at church now. But what did I say to children's ministry? I did not know if God wanted me to do that. What did I tell Daniel about the once a week teaching karate? I did not have time. I have been waiting for God to give me a divine appointment on campus. But maybe God is trying to tell me to get more involved in church first. How can I ask God to use me and then turn down opportunities to serve Him? How can I expect God to give me more if I am not faithful in what He has already given me?

My new prayer is that God will use me where He wants to. I ask that God will not allow me to pass up opportunities to serve Him.

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

Being single this Valentine's Day does not bother me so much because it is much better than thinking that someone special is going to take you out and then getting let down. Valentine's Day does make me a bit wistful because it is a day of romancing that I wish was mine. So I was thinking of what I find romantic and hope someone does for me someday.

1. Serenade me. I would love it if someone came and stood under my dorm window and sang to me. Some might find this creepy but I would love it!

2. Say Happy Valentine's Day several different ways. Leave a text, voice mail, facebook message, call, leave a note, mail a letter, send flowers, write a message on my car (washable of course), surprise me at school (or wherever I am). Doing more of these things make it more special.

3. Take me out dancing. Swing would be nice.

But this Valentine's Day I know that I will not experience these things. I just hope that Jesus shows His love to me in a new and special way. If He does then it will make my day!

Passion For The Cross And The One Who Died

2009-01-12T22:38:00.000-08:00

During the past few months I have been learning about passion. Passion for Jesus who gave His all so that we might be saved. God has given me this passion for Him that is greater than anything I have ever experienced. This is a passion that is not kept hidden but instead bursts out through songs, dancing, shouting, and radiant joyful expressions on people's faces. Most of the people at my church have this passion. They can't keep from singing and dancing. They can't keep from shouting and jumping up and down.

Why are so many Christians passive when it comes to their relationship with Christ? They don't want to sing or speak about it. They think living moral lives is what God has required of them. I used to be one of those people. I wondered why I didn't get excited about anything. I would feel hollow and unsatisfied inside. It was not until I got really passionate about Jesus that I could really enjoy my life.

If the unbelievers can go wild over rock stars, why can't we go wild over Jesus? If the unbelievers can die for their false beliefs, why can't we die for the truth? If the unbeliever can sin boldly, why can't we declare God's love boldly? If people can be passionate about their spouses and partners, why can't we be even more passionate about the One who gave everything.

The time has come to stand up for what we believe in. We cannot hide in our prayer closets anymore. We must spread the Good News. People are out there dying and going to hell! We cannot be passive Christians anymore. Instead we must be passionate about what we believe in.

The lost are looking for something better so start acting like you possess something better. If we don't act like God is the best than why would anyone want Him?

2009 New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

What I want to accomplish this year...

-Listen to God and do His will
-Read through the entire Bible (I have never done this before)
-Tell others about Jesus. Witness on my campus.
-Know God more. Love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.
-Keep a 3.5 (or higher) GPA
-Get involved at my church
-Write more poetry
-Write a few songs
-Write more of my book
-Live out my destiny!

Happy New Year 2009!

2009-01-01T00:01:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I look forward to what the New Year is going to bring. I am excited to see what God has in store for me.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

I wish a Merry Christmas to all of you. Christmas is my favorite holiday because of what it means to me. Jesus came to earth as a baby. God with us. It is an amazing thing that too often we as christians take for granted. God is with us and will always be.

My family makes a big deal of Christmas. We start celebrating as soon as Thanksgiving is over. We put up decorations and observe the four Sundays of Advent. On Christmas Eve we open our presents and have a fancy dinner. We tell the Christmas story and have a wonderful time of hanging out with family. We continue celebrating on Christmas Day by emptying our stockings and having another wonderful dinner. The time spent between Christmas and New Year's is usually filled with more sweets, family time, and celebration. We finally end our Christmas celebration on January 6th with the visit of the Magi. Then we take down all our decorations.

It's Raining, It's Pouring...

2008-12-15T09:50:00.000-08:00

This morning, when I woke up to go to morning prayer, it was raining. At first, I didn't want to go to get up and go but then I remembered that I had made up my mind to go yesterday and I wasn't going to change it. I drove carefully since it was the first rain in a while. The roads are extra dangerous during the first rain because there is still oil on the road. Oil and water make a bad combination. At least that is what everyone tells me. It started raining harder after I got back from prayer. I noticed that there was a huge puddle on the lawn outside of my room. Since my room was freezing cold I decided to go with my roommate to school. We got our stuff together and grabbed our umbrellas. Then we walked to the corner to cross the street. It was totally flooded around the corner. I had to step in and get wet. But then, when we got to the other side we realized that the water was deep. We waded through the almost knee deep water. There was no way around it. Once we had crossed I noticed that the water flooded half the street. I found it amazing that a city street would not have better drainage.

I won't be going back across the street until after my final this afternoon.

He is My Beloved

2008-12-09T13:03:00.000-08:00

I was recently thinking about my purity ring again. When you wear something on your finger all the time it kind of stays in your mind. I wrote about my purity ring last year in October. You can find that post and read it if you want to. I was thinking a little deeper in the symbolism of my ring. I can look at my ring two different ways.

1) The cross is in my heart. The cross symbolizes Jesus' love for me. It also stands for Jesus Himself. He is the dearest thing to me. I love Him more than anything else. I will follow Him anywhere and will never let go of Him. I can't bear to separated from Him. I am utterly miserable without Jesus.

2) The heart is not mine it is Jesus' heart. The heart symbolizes His love for me. He loves me so much that He died for me. He has been pursuing me since I was conceived. He is the ultimate intimate lover of my soul.

So there are two ways of looking at my ring. It stands not only for my love and promise to God, but for His love and promise to me. Now my ring seems so much greater.

God Will Strengthen Me

2008-11-13T14:32:00.000-08:00

I Peter 5:8-10 "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you."

These verses describe my life this week. The devil came and tried to destroy me but I remained steadfast. I am now in the suffering stage but soon God will perfect, establish, strengthen and settle me. Isn't that a wonderful promise?

I Want to Hold Your Hand

2008-11-11T18:55:00.000-08:00

There are days that are lonelier than others. They are not necessarily the days when I am alone. The days that I feel the loneliest is when I have spent time with other people and then I leave or they leave. I feel really lonely then. My heart aches for something more. Today is one of those days.

Sometimes it seems like no guys pay any attention to me. I wonder if I'm invisible. My heart aches for someone to notice me. My heart aches for a companion. I want someone to love. I want to hold their hand and feel the strength of their grip on my hand.

I know God has plans for me and that I am supposed to follow them. But how do I know what they are? I think God wants me to go to chiropractic school but I'm not sure. How do I know what God wants for me? How do I know if God has someone in store for me. Why is God silent? Does silence mean that God wants me to finish school before He will tell me if I am to marry someone. I am scared. What happens if God does tell me to do something. What if I don't want to do it? What if God asks me to leave my family and go to another country? What if I never hear God? How will I know what steps to take? I wish I could just hold His hand. Then there would be no fear of going the wrong way. Sometimes I wish I could throw everything away and run into the arms of Jesus. Some day I will. Some day I will meet Jesus in the clouds. I will be in heaven with Him and then I will rein with Christ. Life will not be confusing then. Life will be perfect when I'm holding hands with Jesus. I want to hold Your hand.

Opa

2008-11-09T18:47:00.000-08:00

Opa is German for grandfather. My Opa is one of the most amazing men I know. Today I went to to the church he pastors. He is 75 and still pastors a small church of around 30 people. I was struck by the realization of how much he loves God. He sang a solo which was the most beautiful thing. It was beautiful because I could see how much he loved Jesus. My Opa's eyes light up when he sings or talks about Jesus. I enjoyed seeing the joy in his eyes and on his face. I am so grateful to have christian grandparents. But I am even more thankful that I have grandparents who love Jesus so much.

My Soul Longs for Jesus

2008-11-05T14:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was hanging out with a classmate and a friend of his. My classmate and I were working on an assignment for class while his friend was sketching him for art class. I happened to mention that I was 21 and like most people they asked me if I got "wasted" on my birthday. I said that I hadn't drunk any alcohol since I turned 21. They laughed at that. I explained that I had tasted alcohol before, but that I hadn't drunk anything since. They said that I should get drunk. I said that I choose not to get drunk and of course they laughed at me. My classmate's friend said that I should experience being drunk. Life is too short. I should experience as much as possible. This, of course, didn't convince me the least bit.

This made me think of the hopeless situation that non-christians are in. They have no hope so they their goal in life is to "live life to the fullest" and "experience everything." I think it is the saddest thing.

Why do I have no desire to get drunk? Because I have something much better. I have a relationship with Jesus. I don't need to get drunk to escape from life, because life is not that bad when you know Jesus. I don't need to get drunk to have a good time, because I have a good time when I'm with Jesus. My soul longs for Jesus. Nothing else will do. Nothing else can satisfy me or make me happy. All I want is Jesus.

God Have Mercy

2008-11-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

God have mercy on us. God have mercy on what we have done. We have turned away from Your face and followed other gods. Our hands are covered with the blood of millions of babies. We have warped marriage and are bent to destroying it all together. Our sins are numerous. God have mercy on America and soften our hearts. Have mercy O Lord, and do not destroy us. In history nations like us either turned back to You or were destroyed. Lord, let us be like the nations who turned back to You.

Save our nation! Tear down wickedness and raise up righteousness.

If you are a Christian... vote.

2008-10-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

I just want to say, if you live in America, vote. Vote for what you believe in. If you are a Christian, vote for what you believe in and for the people who believe the same or are the closest. Don't vote for someone who supports abortion. Don't vote for someone who supports anything that is unbiblical.

VOTE!!! We need to take a stand for what we believe in.

The Prayer Of A Righteous Man Is Powerful And Effective

2008-10-19T15:30:00.000-07:00

Prayer is very powerful. In the last chapter of James it talks about praying at all times of life. When you are troubled or happy or sick I want to encourage you to pray more and seek God more. Pray for your family and your church. Pray for our nation. Pray for God's will to be done. Pray for God's mercy. Ask God for more of Him.

Our prayers bring us closer to God and closer to each other. There is a bonding that you get when you pray for someone or receive prayer. Go pray for someone.

God's Grace

2008-10-13T19:05:00.000-07:00

God's grace is amazing. One of the Pastors at my church preached a sermon. In fact he preached it three times. I heard it twice so I think God really wanted me to hear it. I thought I would share what I got from it. Look up the verses. I'm not going to write out the verses. So when you see a reference next to a sentence know that the sentence is what my pastor said, not what the verse says.

Don't Count Score

Matt 6:3
When you do something good, don't count score.

Luke 15:11-32 The Parable of the Lost Son
The older brother was keeping score.
He compared score with his brother.

Luke 18:9-14
The Pharisee was counting score.
The tax collector moves the heart of God, he depends on mercy alone.

Breakthrough depends on mercy and grace alone.
The secret to humility is to forget score and fix your eyes on God's grace.

How I do on judgment day depends on my understanding of grace.

Reasons it is dumb to keep score:

1. Keeping score keeps us from understanding grace.
If you count score you will fall from grace. Gal 5:4

2. Keeping score will leave us offended at God. Matthew 20:15-16
If we think God owes us we are keeping count.

3. Keeping score will keep you from being able to fully love God. 1 John 4:19

4. Keeping score leads to envy and strife. Rom 2:11, Eph 6:9, 1 Peter 1:17
We are on the same team. We are part of the body. All success, breakthroughs, and victories are yours, mine and Jesus'.

5. When you keep score you will no longer be motivated by God's love. 1 Cor 15:9-10

6. Keeping score is a waste of time and energy.

7. Keeps you from receiving from God.
We can receive from God if we have faith. People who have faith believe in God's grace.

Do we understand grace? If we want to know how we understand grace we can look at how we respond to offense. How do we respond when someone hurts us?

If we miss grace, we miss the gospel.

Jesus Freak

2008-10-06T14:40:00.000-07:00

I changed the name of my blog in case you have not noticed. I decided that I didn't want to define myself as a mouse any longer. I am no longer timid. Also, "The Mouse" was a name I came up with because I couldn't think of anything else at the time I created my blog. I wanted a new name that described my new life. A lot of people party while they are in college. I am one of them. But I go to a different type of party. These parties are worship celebrations in honor of The King. I realized how crazy in love with Jesus I had become. So I named my blog "Jesus Freak."

I am a Jesus Freak. I am crazy in love with my Savior. He is amazing. I have changed a lot since my move down here. But I don't need to tell you that. I think you will be able to tell.

God Has Plans For Me

2008-09-30T13:47:00.000-07:00

Jeremiah 29:11 tells of God's plans for us. I know of great plans God has for me. It is so exciting to see God revealing His plans to me. I just had to tell someone. God is telling me my future. I don't understand exactly what I am to do. But the pieces are starting to come together.

Seek God. Seek out His plans for you. He will reveal them to you. Open your heart up to Jesus.

Forgiveness

2008-09-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

I think forgiveness and love goes hand in hand. If you love someone you will forgive them. If you forgive someone it is done out of love for that person or love for God. Forgiveness is one of the things we struggle the most with. I have a hard time forgiving. But God has forgiven us and we now have eternal life. We ought to forgive others. God has called me to forgive those who have hurt me and my loved ones. The hardest people to forgive are those who refuse to forgive. But I have to forgive others because of what God has forgiven me.

Forgiveness is not just saying sorry. It is saying that you will love that person even though they hurt you. Forgiveness is not talking about what they did wrong. Forgiveness is forgetting what they did. True forgiveness is powerful. It is one of the most powerful ways to share the gospel with someone.

Please forgive your brother his trespasses. Forgive your mother and father. Forgive your sister. Forgive your son and daughter. Love them as Christ has loved you.

Do You Know God?

2008-09-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

Most of us would say, "Yes, I know God." But do you know God?

I thought I knew God more than most people. I can quote scripture. I am familiar with most of the Bible. I know who God is and who His Son is. I can tell most of the Bible stories and even argue theology. I have a relationship with God. But do I know God? Of course! Yes!

But last Friday I realized that I did not know God well. My pastor encouraged us to know God. To know God in each and every aspect of our lives. To know God intimately. Do I know God? Not that well.

Last week God showed me how much He loved me. This week He is saying that He wants me to know Him more. I want to know God. I want to be with Him every moment of the day. The more we are together the more I will know Him. It is like going to the beach with a friend. You might never have known how much that friend loved the beach if you hadn't gone with him. I think it is the same with God. If I don't spend time with God in every part of my life then I will never know God in the context of school, shopping, hanging with non-christian friends, watching TV...the list goes on. It is a scary thought to think of bringing Jesus everywhere with me. But I want to know Him more. I want to know God.

Do you know God?

God is Love

2008-09-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

God loves me. A simple concept that has taken on new meaning for me this weekend. I guess it started with me feeling lonely and realizing that I would have to depend on God for love. I know that I won't get it from a guy anytime soon. So I have to depend on God. Isn't it better to depend on God rather than man?

Sunday morning I was looking at some pictures that I took. I have been taking pictures of flowers. They are so beautiful. I was amazed by their beauty so much I almost cried. I had read the "Daily Light on the Daily Path," which is a devotional with Bible verses only. The verses talked about God's love and salvation. God has saved us from death. God loves us so much. I guess I was feeling overwhelmed by God's love that morning. And that was why I was moved almost to tears.

God poured out His love to me at church. I think God spoke to me that morning in church. There was this verse about the Son doing what He sees the Father doing. I saw God loving me and I knew that I would have to love others in the same way. How can I love like God? I'm just a human. Jesus told His disciples that they would do even greater things than Him. I want God's love to shine out of my life. I want others to see God's love in me. The only love I have in me is from God.

Sunday afternoon I went to my grandparents feeling full of God's love. Then, because God is good and because He loves me so much, He overwhelmed me to tears. God had given me life everlasting, He had saved my life, He had given me so many blessings I couldn't count them all, He had embraced me in love that morning, and then He gave me a car. When my grandparents told me that they were planning on giving me their Ford Taurus next month I burst into tears. I was overwhelmed by the love of God.

I feel like God is teaching me one lesson at a time. This one is love.

First Week of School

2008-08-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

My first week of school went quite well. I am taking six classes which add up to sixteen units. I'm taking Intro to Kinesiology, Human Anatomy and Physiology, History and Philosophy of Human Movement, College Writing, Measurements and Statistics in Kines, and Aikido. My Aikido class is very interesting and fun. It is nice to be a beginning student again. My hardest class this semester is going to be Anatomy and Physiology.

I got a job at the Titan Recreation Center. I'm a substitute drop-in fitness instructor. I watched a few classes this week to get an idea of what is going on. I feel ready to teach whenever I get called in. I hope I can work at least one hour every week or two. I need to get another job. But it is hard to find jobs because everyone is looking for one and most places aren't hiring.

I went to the Rec Center and participated in a Martial Arts Fitness class last night. I had a great time. I had not realized how much I had missed the dojo. It felt good to work out.

This weekend is going to be tough for me. I already feel a little lonely and homesick. I don't have any homework due. I am going to read ahead and start working on some of my assignments to pass the time. I don't have any plans but I hope to make some. I'm sitting here at the computer feeling alone. It's weird. When I was at home I would want my alone time and I treasured it. Now I wish I wasn't alone. I want to hang out with my family and have the closeness that only happens between family members. But God is with me. He has never left me. These days I am forced to depend on God for comfort and companionship. That is good.

Dear God, draw me close and hold me. My heart aches for I am lonely. Comfort me and love me. I love You. I thank You for everything. You are my Lord and my Lover. I praise You for You are truly great!

I'm Okay

2008-08-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

It's better than I thought it would be. I had a much better weekend than I thought I would have. I checked in on Saturday and then raced at break neck speed (not really) to get to the tournament. I ended up seeing my cousins compete. I judged and competed in kata and kumite. I decided to skip orientation and went to visit my cousins instead.

When I got back to my dorm I met one of my roommates. She is the coolest person! Of course I think a bunch of my friends are the coolest people. We hit it off right from the start. I unpacked my stuff and went to bed. I woke up in the morning feeling really homesick. I called my parents and cried on the phone. Then I went to church. It was amazing. My brother's girlfriend arrived a few minutes after I did. When the music started the pastor's daughter started dancing. It was the most beautiful thing that I had seen. I cried because it was beautiful and because I had been missing worship so much. I hung on every word the pastor said. I am so hungry for God. It is amazing to go to a church and have people pray for you like you are the most special person in the world. That is how I felt. My prayer for this school year is to have the greatest hunger and thirst for God. My prayer is that God will fill me with His Spirit and His burning fire.

I've had an awesome week. The people here are really nice and the food is good. God is working in me and I'm making friends. I've been hanging out with my older brother and I went to Magic Mountain.

I'm also looking for a job. I applied for a job at CVS Pharmacy. I feel really good about working there. Pray that God will open doors for me and my friend who needs a job more than I do.

Moving

2008-08-12T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving. I thought I would never leave home to go to college but now I am. I am leaving this weekend to move into my dorm. I'll be there a week before school starts. I made up my mind last January to transfer to Cal State Fullerton. Now that it is a reality I am getting scared. I have been depressed at the thought of leaving home. I'm going to miss my family a lot. I'm also going to miss everyone at the dojo. My going away party was last weekend. It hit me real hard. I'm actually leaving. I know that it won't be too bad when I get there and settle in. But I am still scared at the thought of it all.

There is so much still to do before I leave this weekend. I have finished most of my shopping. I'm packing my things this week. I'll be cleaning my room from top to bottom on Thursday in order to leave it cleaner than it has been in a long time.

There are things that I am looking forward to. I'm looking forward to making new friends. I'm looking forward to new experiences and learning new things. I'll be missing a lot back home but I'll be doing and experiencing enough new things to make up for it. At least that is what I tell myself.

Cry Out

2008-08-02T20:37:00.000-07:00

I need pray. I feel distant from God. I'm not spending much time with Him yet I crave fellowship. Since we have stopped going to church as a family I have craved church like I never have before. I love the hymns and songs. I love singing and praising the Lord but I don't do this anymore. I am not being fed so I stopped reaching out. I stopped reaching out to God. I know this is my own fault. God has not stopped loving me and just because I'm not going to church doesn't mean I can't worship God on my own. But it is hard. I go for the immediate pleasure instead of reading the Bible or praying. I spend my spare time watching movies and playing on the computer. Besides teaching karate I feel meaningless. Like I am not doing anything of value. I need revival deep in my soul. I need a burning passion for my Lord. Pray for me. Pray that God will give me love.

Break Fast

2008-05-25T08:22:00.000-07:00

Friday night I broke my movie and TV fast by watching Prince Caspian. I had been planning to see the movie for over a month. The last week was tough. I kept on wanting to drive to the theater as fast as I could and watch Narnia and then come home and start watching whatever and everything I wanted to. I managed to control myself and wait. While other people including my brothers went to see Prince Caspian during the opening week, I spent my time studying and taking my finals. I got through it all.

I enjoyed the movie even though they had made some changes that I didn't like. I don't like change whether it is a movie or life in general. But I'm not going to tear apart the movie here and now.

The next day I spent watching seven episodes of "Murder She Wrote." I think I need to practice moderation.

Studying Through Romans Part 17

2008-05-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

8:1-4 "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit."

Hallelujah! This is one of the most joyful verses in Romans. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. I am not condemned. I do not have a death sentence. I am free! Jesus came as a sin offering so we might not die. These verses sum up the salvation message.

8:5-8 "Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God."

It is so true. When I am living for Christ, my thoughts are on Him. My mind is on Him. I cannot please God when I am controlled by sinful desires. You cannot serve both God and man. You must choose this day who you are going to serve.

8:9-11 "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit, who lives in you."

Our bodies are dead in Christ but our spirits are alive. God will give life to our bodies. I think this means that we should live as though our bodies are dead. We shouldn't please our fleshly desires but instead we should dwell on spiritual things. And God will give life to our dead mortal bodies. We will someday have immortal bodies.

8:12-17 "Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation - but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive a Spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children then we are heirs - heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory."

We have this obligation to live for God. If we renounce our sinful ways and follow Christ then we will live. We are sons of God. We are also heirs if we share in Christ's sufferings. Only those who share in His sufferings may also share in His glory.

8:18-21 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

But our sufferings are nothing compared to the glory that will be revealed in us. Creation is waiting for the sons of God to be revealed. I picture the rocks and trees rejoicing in their freedom when the sons of God are revealed.

8:22-25 "We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of out bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

I think of my deepest desire to be holy. I am in anguish over my sinfulness. I cannot wait for the redemption of my body when I shall be called a son of God and I shall be made pure.

8:26-27 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

Often I pray without knowing how I'm supposed to. Sometimes I feel like the Spirit is directing me to say something and other times I keep silent because I do not know what to say. It is then that the Spirit intercedes for me.

8:28-30 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified."

Some people think that verse 28 means that if you love God then everything will be peachy keen. I think it goes with verse 30. If we love God, if we have been predestined and called, we are justified and glorified. Isn't this our good? We are justified and glorified. What more could a person want?

8:31-39 "What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all-how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died-more than that, who was raised to life-is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither hight nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

No one's judgment can separate us from God. Nothing on earth or in heaven can separate us from the love of God. Isn't that amazing to think about? Sometimes life can get depressing and you can feel like there is no love in this world. But God's love reaches everywhere and nothing can separate us. Doesn't that give you the greatest security you could ever hope for?

Lord, Consume Me

2008-05-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

My family is looking for a church again. I want to be part of a church that does things together. When I worship, I want to see others worshiping. I want to feel like I belong and am needed there.

My parents are out of town this weekend. I decided to take three of my younger brothers and visit the First Assembly of God in the next town over. So I woke up this morning and confessed my sin to God. Then a song popped into my head. A thousand times I've failed but still Your mercy remains.... I got ready for church and then drove there with my brothers. People were friendly. Worship started. Some of the songs I didn't know but some I did. The last song started playing and I thought I recognized the tune. Then the lyrics were projected on the screen A thousand times I've failed and still Your mercy remains.... I knew God was trying to tell me something. I don't think it was a coincidence. I nearly broke down crying when I got to: from the inside out Lord my soul cries out..... Why can't God break and humble you without making you cry in front of people? I broke down. God's grace and mercy covers all. I know that God has been saying that He wants me now. Not when I feel like it. Not when I have found a church. Not when I move this fall. He wants me now. I was touched by the worship and the sermon. The pastor preached on Jonah chapter four. He talked about anger and depression and joy and thanksgiving. I want to go back but most of all I want God to consume me from the inside out.

My Favorite Foods

2008-04-15T22:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite food list keeps on growing. At first I just put a few of my absolute favorite foods down, but then I just kept on adding. I like food. I like almost every food that I have eaten. Perhaps it would be better to list the few foods that I don't like. Let's see....I do not like....really spicy food, really greasy food, food with tons of garlic, and alligator meat makes me sick. But besides that, if it is food, I like it!

10 Favorite Songs

2008-04-13T21:27:00.000-07:00

5 Favorite Steven Curtis Chapman Songs

Fingerprints of God
I love this song because it reminds me that I am the clay and He is the potter. I have God's fingerprints all over me. I am a masterpiece!

The Change
I like the music and it keeps me thinking about how God changes our lives. People should see a difference in us as Christians.

Miracle of the Moment
I often dwell so much on my future that I miss out on the present.

Live out Loud
Why do I want to hide? I pray that Christ will help me to live out loud.

With Every Little Kiss
I'm looking forward to experiencing the power of kissing. (I'm saving my first kiss for my husband)

3 Favorite Casting Crowns Songs

Voice Of Truth
There are so many lies that I start to believe. But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.

What if His People Prayed
Prayer is so powerful. We would see a lot more happening if there was just more prayer.

If We Are The Body
Why are we not reaching out? Why are we not doing what we are supposed to be doing?

Other Favorite songs

What Could Be Better by 33 Miles
I love songs about heaven! This one is set to country music.

Jesus Freak by DC Talk
I think that this song has a cool message. It is set to a good tune and is fun to sing along to. (I like singing to a lot of songs that I listen to)

My First Poetry

2008-04-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

Trying

As I sit here trying to write,

there is this noise drowning my thoughts.

A thousand frogs or so it seems,

O I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!

So I go to another place.

This place is quiet or so it seems.

But the frogs follow me there.

I can’t write this poem here.

So I go to another place.

I won’t hear those frogs anymore.

But then a frog hops into view.

He looks at me and opens his mouth.

Out comes a noise that I didn’t want to hear.

GO AWAY YOU DREADFUL FROG!

Then all of a sudden

as if my scream had summoned them all,

a thousand frogs jump into view.

Before I could utter a sound

a thousand frog’s voices drowned out mine.

When I tried to escape a thousand frogs barred my way.

So I opened my mouth and began to scream.

I CAN’T WRITE or so it seems!

Pure White

White blossoms in spring
remind me of snow.
They contrast with the dark green
of trees nearby.

White blossoms in spring
remind me of brides.
Dressed in flowing, flowery gowns,
they stand innocently with hands clasped tight.

White blossoms in spring
remind me of angels.
Held high by lofty branches
Pure and Holy
Untouched by human hand.

Denying Myself

2008-04-03T22:07:00.000-07:00

Matthew 16:24-26 "Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?"

I used to wonder what denying yourself meant. I thought my life was easy. God blessed me and it was better for me to live for Him than to not live for Him. I didn't feel like I was denying myself anything. I didn't want to be bad or do bad things so I didn't feel deprived. Then I felt like I should fast from movies and TV. This verse keeps on popping up into my head. I must deny myself the pleasure of watching movies. This is hard at times but is much easier than the other things that I now realize I have to deny myself. Those things that I ask myself "is this sin or is it good pleasure?" I realize that is not the question to ask. I must give up these things in order to take up my cross and follow Christ. I must lose my life for Christ. What does that mean? I am to lose my life in order to find it? I think it means that I am to give up my life for the things that are more important. Why should I live for the temporary when I can make a difference in the eternal? Why should I seek pleasure and success in this world at the expense of my relationship with Jesus Christ?

I think God has great plans for me. No, I KNOW that God has great plans for me. I don't know what they all are yet. I feel this struggle going on inside of me. I want to do good. I want to pray. I want to serve God. I want to spend time with God. I want to know God more. But there is this.... something...that is keeping me away from Him. I feel like there is a struggle going on for my soul. I know that I am saved but Satan is trying to drag me back to sin. He is intent on dragging me down and putting a stop to what I am meant to do. Satan would not be so determined if there were not great plans for me. I know that God has marvelous plans for my life.

Oh God, save me and give me the strength and determination that I need to persevere until the end!

He Carries Me

2008-03-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

Building 429 - You Carried Me
From the album Iris To Iris

I've been so busy, I missed the reasons
I missed Your love, and I nearly missed it all
Still You've loved me, and You've healed me
You've given all and it brought me to Your cross
I stand only because You've given me grace to walk
Only because

Chorus
You carried me
You carried me
You carried me through it all
And I believe
Yes I believe
You'll carry me all the way home
Cause mercy covers all
Cause mercy covers all

I know the scripture, I've known the songs
I sang the words from my hollowed heart
But You've spoken softly through the storm
I've heard Your voice and I've felt the calm
I stand only because You've given me faith to walk
Only because

Chorus

I know that you love me
I'll never doubt it I can't live without it
Your mercy has found me
I am astounded, I can't live without it

You carried me
You carried me
You carried me through it all
You carried me
You carried me
And I believe
Yes I believe
You'll carry me all the way home
Cause mercy covers all
Mercy covers all
And I believe
Yeah, and I believe
Yeah, I believe

Studying Through Romans Part 16

2008-03-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

7:1-3 "Do you not know, brothers - for I am speaking to men who know the law - that the law has authority over a man only as long as he lives? For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man."

We are given an example of something that is very clear to us who know the law so that we might understand the lesson.

7:4-6 "So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to Him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God. For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death. But now, by dying to what once bound us, we have been released from the law so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit, and not in the old way of the written code."

So the lesson is that we have died to the law. We have been released from this law so that we might serve in the Spirit.

7:7-13 "What shall we say, then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law. For I would not have known what coveting really was if the law had not said, "Do not covet." But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of covetous desire. For apart from law, sin is dead. Once I was alive apart from law; but when the commandment came, sin sprang to life and I died. I found that the very commandment that was intended to bring life actually brought death. For sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, deceived me, and through the commandment put me to death. So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous and good. Did that which is good, then, become death to me? By no means! But in order that sin might be recognized as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful."

The law itself is not sin. But before the law sin was not recognized as sin and therefore no death. When the law came the sin came and there was death. Sin came because of the law. This is such an interesting concept to think about.

7:14-20 "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

I sin so much even though I don't want to. When I want to do what is right, that is when I am tempted to sin. It makes me feel terrible inside. I feel like I am being torn in two. My sinful nature and myself are having a battle. There is no good in me except for Jesus.

Michael English - The Only Thing Good In Me
From the album The Prodigal Comes Home

I heard someone say the other day
They'd seen in me true love displayed
Blessed by something I had done for them
No sooner did they speak those words
I found myself somehow disturbed
Uneasy as I took their compliment
'Cause I know the heart inside this man
I know the truth of who I am

[Chorus]
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus
I've lived long enough to know
No matter what this life may show
The only thing that's good in me is Jesus

If you could walk the hallways of my heart
And see things as they really are
I wonder if you might be surprised
Seeing faded walls of pride and fear
Rooms I've filled with faithless tears
And corners where I've stood in compromise
But you'd see the work His grace has done
You'd know just how far I've come

[Chorus]

In a thousand years
When the dust of this world clears
And I look back on my life
And see in perfect light

7:21-25 "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

In my inner being (what I think of as myself, my personality, my soul) I want to do good. I want to please God. But my flesh is still a slave to sin. Does this mean that my earthly body will always be a slave to sin? Will I never experience freedom while I am still in this body? God has saved me through Christ. But has this saving been fully worked out in my life? I know that I am saved but is there more to be done in this life? How much sanctification (being made holy) do I experience in this life and how much do I experience after this life? These are things to ponder.

Studying Through Romans Part 15

2008-03-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

6:1-2 "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?"

We often wonder how much sin can we get away with. This is not the question to ask. We have given up our sinful ways. Why would we even want to sin?

6:3-4 "Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? We were therefore buried with Him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

We are a new creation. Why do we so often try to go back to our old self. We should leave it behind. It is dead.

MercyMe - So Long Self
From the album Coming Up To Breathe

Well if I come across a little bit distant
It's just because I am
Things just seem to feel a little bit different
You understand

Believe it or not but life is not apparently
About me anyways
But I have met the One who really is worthy
So let me say

Chorus:
So long self
Well it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me farewell
Oh well, Goodbye, don't cry
So Long Self

Stop right there because I know what your thinking
But no we can't be friends
And even though I know your heart is breaking
This has to end

And come to think of it the blame for all of this
Simply falls on me
For wanting something more in life than all of this
Oh, can't you see

6:5-7 "If we have been united with Him like this in His death, we will certainly also be united with Him in His resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin."

If we have become one with Christ in His death then we are still one with Him as he rose from the dead. Since Christ has risen we have also risen. Hallelujah! So then, why are we tormented by lies saying that we are still slaves to sin? Oh, how I long to feel totally free from sin.

6:8-11 "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over Him. The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

I am dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ. That means I need to live my life not just for God but to God. I must worship Him with my whole being.

6:12-14 "Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."

When I was younger my mother often said, "Idle hands are the devil's workshop". As I have gotten older I have realized that it is not just true of hands but of the mind as well. A mind and hands that are busy doing good and worshiping God are less likely to fall into sin. Shouldn't we worship God with our bodies in return for this great gift of life that He has given us?

6:15-18 "What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey- whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness."

We can't serve two masters. We must choose who we are going to serve. I am set free from sin. I am a slave to righteousness.

6:19-23 "I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves. Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness. When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I am a slave to righteousness which leads to holiness. I received no benefit from my shameful sins. But now that I have been set free, I will holy and have eternal life.